Magic
by MariedeFrance
Summary: Returning home from a mission, Neji starts exhibiting signs of fatigue and extreme stress. Tsunade, Hinata, Temari and Lee all try to help with varying results of hilarity. Neji's and Tenten's situation is also unique: They're married but they've never been intimate.
1. Kiss

The wind in Konoha was rough as it filed through the leaves above them. A metallic smell accompanied the tufts announcing their arrival to the village's guards before they could even be seen. The party consisted of four. Tenten and her husband, Lee, and Naruto. While she helped Neji along, Naruto carried Lee. The latter was hurt the most and had only been patched up with Tenten's limited expertise. On the other hand, Neji suffered only from blocked chakra, rendering part of his leg unusable. A makeshift cane and Tenten's shoulder provided all the support he needed to keep up. The metallic scent of blood wafted over from Lee; obviously his crouched position slung over Naruto's shoulder had torn one or more of his stitches.

"Should I take a look or should you hurry him to the hospital?" Tenten asked in their midst. Naruto was this special team's leader, but he looked to Neji. The older warrior had cast his gaze far ahead of them.

"They're coming", he announced in the raspy voice, which had been his for about half his life.

"I think you should head forth. We will meet up with you at the hospital," Tenten suggested wisely. Naruto agreed, adjusted the heavy man on his back more securely and rushed off ahead of the pair.

On the old dirt road, Naruto's quick steps made the dust swirl up, obscuring their vision of him disappearing. When there was no hint of the departed two members, Tenten turned to Neji.

"And how are you doing?"

The wind howled as it sought entrance to the thick forest but was rejected. All it could do was ruffle the tree's crowns way above, reaching out but never quite grasping Neji's hair. He nodded, confirming he was fine. His wife noticed the dark rings under his eyes, the way his skin fell limp around his temples and mouth. It was not just age that was getting him, it was fatigue.

She closed her eyes for just an instance to let some of the horrors of their two decades together pass silently. It was better to embrace the images than to fight them.

Once she had lifted her eyelids again, the quiet peacefulness of their home's surroundings swept over her like a cleansing shower. Their alliance had been forged in times of war with many on the brink of death, and when that period had past, they had stayed by each other's sides, heavily scarred. It was uplifting to know they had prevented yet another war in their most recent mission.

But the responsibility of peace also burdened them. Assassination after assassination, all intertwined with the strictest of secrecy, so much that sometimes they had to remind each other who they really were.

Tenten shook her head as she saw the village gates approaching. There were two guards and they had been expecting them. The younger one rushed forward and helped Tenten with Neji. The elder smiled knowingly at the pair.

"Tough one?"

Tenten nodded, exhausted.

"The toughest so far."

"So I saw. Lee's gonna have to fight this time."

Tenten nodded again with the same droop of her head. The words of the guard had been grim, but optimistic.

She made a hurrying gesture towards the younger one.

"Get the cart," she commanded wearily. "Take us to our comrades."

The youth had already readied the horse and helped Neji to sit on the back. Tenten was not offended that Tsunade had sent a horse carriage rather than one of the modern motor-run vehicles. She trusted Naruto's ability to convey urgency where need be but not make a fuss where none was necessary. She jumped up expertly on the wooden cart's behind and leaned against her husband. With a jolt, they made their way up, through the winding streets of their home.

_ttt_

Upon arrival, Tsunade was already busy with Lee, so her personal assistant, Shizune, showed them to the hokage's private dwellings. Being state-sanctioned assassins and personal friends of the most powerful woman in town had its perks.

Tenten deposited her comrade on a large chaise lounge. It was by no means the case that he could not have healed the chakra blockage himself by now, but he was at the end of his reserves. It was definitely beyond Tenten's power, so the only thing to do was let him rest.

Naruto found them shortly after they had arrived, Neji already slumbering on the couch. He and Tenten both showered in the common areas before they tried to do what they could for Neji. As Tenten dropped the sponge back into the bucket they had brought, she sighed "that'll have to do" and stood to dress her sleeping friend again. In sleep, his features looked even more eaten up.

"Do you ever wonder…," she began directed at Naruto after he had come back from taking the bucket and sponges back, "...whether we're getting too old for this stuff?"

He shook his head. "The fourth hokage was well into his sixties without any sort of help like our dear Tsunade."

"We're no hokages," Tenten reminded him. There was no tenacity to her voice. She was too tired nowadays to argue with people.

"Speak for yourself. I'm still betting I'll get there one day." Naruto's apparent optimism bled through his words. Tenten smiled. His energy gave her a warm and fuzzy feeling inside. Yet, her question did not leave him unaffected.

"If you need a break… you should say something," he advised in a voice unlike his own. It was deep and somber. Tenten's exhausted frame felt him sidle up against her, both leaning against Neji's resting place.

"You two have… different circumstances. Don't compare yourself to others. If you're done - … I mean, exhausted, then you should listen to yourselves."

Tenten closed her eyes. "I don't know," she murmured. Leaning her cheek on Neji's discarded hand, which had slid of the couch dangling, she drifted off to sleep herself. Naruto quietly left, closing the door ever so softly behind him.

The wait at the hospital was long. Neji slept for over a day. To pass the time, Tenten was helping out at the hospital and reading Tsunade's books. All in anticipation of hearing whether Lee would make it. Tsunade had wandered in and out during this time, bringing bits of news of Lee's surgeries and his intensive care stays. Shortly after Neji had groggily healed himself did the news reach them their third musketeer would live. Relieved, they both went home after leaving a message with one of the nurses for Lee when he woke up .

_ttt_

Home to them in the strictest sense referred to a condo in the city center. Expensive and big, it yielded room for one big space encompassing kitchen, dining and living room and, additionally three bed- and bathrooms. As soon as they were home, Neji went straight to bed, but Tenten had something else to do first. She took the phone from its hinge on the kitchen wall and trailed the chord all the way to the dining table, where she plumped down on one of their expensively upholstered chairs. The brocade was thick and provided excellent halt for Tenten's butt as she put a call through to Suna-Gakure.

"Hey, it's me. We're back. Everyone's survived, but Lee is in IC."

Temari at the other end yelled for Shikamaru to come to the phone. Somewhere in the background Tenten heard a sluggish "ok". Then her friend turned back to the phone and demanded to know how she felt. Tenten shrugged, realized this was not visible and answered:  
"Don't know. Tired, I guess. Neji slept until the next day and he's already in bed again."

"You need to take care of yourselves. You always knew stress and fatigue could affect you guys more..."

Tenten rolled her eyes. This was the second time someone was mentioning this. When they were young, they had not thought that much about it, but as soon as they had passed thirty Tenten and Neji had sat down for a serious conversation. They had already taken precautions. They went on missions very sparingly and, in fact, only very high-ranking ones, where their expertise was indispensable. They did not train as hard as they used to anymore. It was still very efficient training, just more focused now.

"We're perfectly fine," Tenten reassured. "We're not old folks yet."

"We're all pretty old in ninja terms, and you two need to stop comparing yourselves to your peers in age."

"Tsunade checked us recently. We're fine."

Temari seemed unconvinced, but Shikamaru had joined the conversation and he reminded her that both Tenten and Neji could be trusted, so there was really no reason to fuss. Even though Shikamaru was generally of the opinion that hardly any situation was worth a fuss, Tenten agreed with him wholeheartedly. She felt like telling them the same thing she reminded her uncle-in-law of regularly: They were a team. They watched out for each other. She'd never let anything happen to him.

After hanging up, Tenten threw a deep-frozen dish into the microwave, then watched it turn slowly illuminated by the lightbulb in the appliance.

It was true. She did take good care of him. They lived a happy, healthy life. She made him go to all his check-ups, ensured he did not overdo anything, followed all of Tsunade's recommendations from what their diet should look like to meditation practices. More subtle but not less determined, Neji did the same for her. With watchful, but otherwise nondescript features did he keep an eye on her.

After she had scarfed down the low sodium meal she had pre-prepared and frozen several months ago, Tenten headed off to bed, too. Shortly, she rapped on the bedroom door and peeked in: Neji was on the verge of slumber.

"I'm alright," he assured sleepily. "Good night."

"Good night," Tenten replied before vanishing into her own bedroom, relishing the feel of the soft heavy covers over her aching body. Within seconds, she had fallen into a dreamless sleep.

_ttt_

The next few days were spent sorting out their affairs, paying bills and cleaning. The mission had taken longer than expected, so even though Neji and Tenten had prepared by freezing anything that would go bad, there were still many things to chug out whose initial expiry date had been within the planned time of the original mission. Tenten did not notice anything strange about Neji except that he seemed more dazed than usual. With anyone else, this may not have qualified as notable, but Neji usually had less trouble adjusting after a mission than anyone else. So, when he spent more time in his bedroom sleeping she definitely made a mental note to let Tsunade know at their next check-up.

They also had a mandatory visit planned to catch up with Neji's family. Their high-maintenance relationship with Neji's many relatives, most notably his uncle, the patriarch, was something they had accepted. They incorporated the fleet of Hyuga family events into their lives as well as possible and such an upcoming event would not usually have been cause for extra stress, but before leaving, Neji seemed particularly apprehensive to go. He kept changing his clothes, citing tiredness, and even wondered aloud once whether postponing would be a good idea. From that moment on, Tenten kept written notes on how often he displayed unusual behavior and what kind. She kept a sleeping log of how many hours and at what times, highlighting day naps with a red marker. Neji had never been a proponent of naps and found them idle. Neji was not a fan of idle.

She had also taken to checking up on him at night, cracking his bedroom door without their customary knock first. She usually found him in deep slumber, his straight-backed, half covered figure contained to one side of his bed. He did not believe in wasting space, even in bed.

Another family meeting was in order two days before their check-up with Tsunade and Tenten herself found she was reluctant to go as well this time. Because her sleep had been in negative correlation to his, getting less steadily as he got more, she was functioning below her usual standard. His new habits were making her nervous, leading to her lying stiffly in bed, staring at her ceiling, worrying.

The morning of their second family visit since returning, Tenten was needlessly scrubbing a non-existent stain on their kitchen tile.

"Tenten?", Neji asked after he had groggily entered their kitchen.

"Hm?"

"What are you doing?" His pajama'd legs turned up in front of her face, demanding her attention. So, she graced him with a look from her deep brown eyes.

"What does it look like? I'm cleaning."

"We are supposed to have brunch across the city in an hour."

"I know." She sounded more defiant than she had intended. Angry at herself, she tossed the sponge into her cleaning bucket. There was a satisfying gulp as the water swallowed and expelled the yellow utensil.

"Are you aware that you are acting strange?" Neji crouched down next to her as he said this.

Tenten wanted to throw the same question into his face. Instead, she did nothing. Aware that this was not their agreed upon procedure for worries, Tenten could not help herself.

"Are you angry at me for anything?" Neji knew his lines well. Living together for so long had really taught him what questions might produce desirable results.

But this time he was disappointed because she shook her head decidedly.

"No, let's go."

Without looking at him, Tenten got up from her knees and went into her room to change. Neji leaned against her loudly shut door. His fingertips traced intricate, invisible symbols on the lacquered wood. He had the strangest sensation of something calling out to him from beyond the entrance.

Whatever may have caused this, he knew, Tenten was not it.

This was only too obvious minutes later. She impatiently yanked the door open and did not even apologize for Neji's inconvenienced stance, who had still been waiting for her. Her plan was to breeze past him in her new brunch outfit, leisure jacket only up one arm, but he disagreed. He showed her by pulling her back towards him with one strong grip of his hand. It hurt physically, but even more emotionally because the gesture was unusual for Neji and only helped intensify the tension between them.

Neji could be rough around the edges, but it was their rule he would always treat her with the level of respect she demanded. His face came so close to hers that she smelled his spearmint toothpaste as his lips parted. He was going to say something, wanted to say something. But nothing came out. His speechlessness produced its likeness in Tenten, so neither one knew what to say. Finally, Tenten put a hand on his chest and drew even nearer, then carefully molded her jaw to his collarbone, sinking into the soft wool of his sweater.

"I'm strange because you're strange. Is there something you should've been telling me?"

The unusual closeness was necessary, so Tenten would not have to look into his eyes as she asked.

She heard his heartbeat strong, echoing into her ear, leaving her relieved and even more worried than before.

To Tenten's immense surprise, Neji clasped his arms around her, resting his palms in the small of her back. The mass of his body pushed her first back into her room and then up against a wall. Tenten looked behind him, trying to locate an instigator for this behavior. It meant she didn't notice his head bend down. Only when it was too late to turn away did Tenten become aware of his lips brushing hers.

Her body went rigid, expecting him to pull back because the touch had been a mistake. He had actually intended to do something else; she just had not discovered what yet. But this assessment turned out to be wrong. When she didn't resist, his mouth came down on hers completely. It was a clumsy attempt at a kiss, but its intensity was a simulacra of need. Only that because it could not possibly be the real thing. Tenten had never been so bewildered until she felt her frame slacken in his embrace, her body shying away from the wall and towards him. Her hand was still stuck between their bodies at an uncomfortable angle and as she tried to pull it free, she unintentionally jerked it out and disrupted their lips' hungry caress. Neji backed away from her as if she had burned him.

"I…" Uncharacteristically, he left the subject hanging without the rest of a sentence.

"What was that?" Tenten wanted to know urgently. Though she did not seem angry, more confused, Neji felt guilt surge through him like an electrical shock.

He opened his mouth again, in agony.

"I don't know," he croaked. She could already detect his usual modus operandi: concealment and retreat.

"Are you ok?" She wanted to come closer again, but he carefully took a few steps back. As if fighting with inner turmoil, he laid a hand on his stomach and pressed his eyelids shut.

"I don't feel good," he confessed, swallowing hard.

"I knew something was wrong," Tenten muttered and rushed to support him. Frightened by the possibility of her proximity, Neji fled her room. A little later she heard him retch in his bathroom.

Instead of following him when he obviously wanted her less than near, his doting wife rushed to the telephone receiver. She had to redial twice as her shaky fingers kept pushing the wrong buttons.

"Hello? Tsunade? Yes, I'm going to tell you a few symptoms now and you need to let me know what could be causing them… Also, we need to move up our appointment. To now."

Neji vomited three bouts of stomach acid. They had both skipped breakfast in anticipation of a lavish Hyuga brunch. After picking him up from his bathroom floor, Tenten deposited her husband on the emergency transport Tsunade sent. Tenten hopped in without any of the personnel daring to disagree. They had all heard stories about Neji and Tenten.

At the hospital Tsunade greeted them personally at the entrance. Neji was rushed inside and Tenten banished to the waiting room. Instead of staying there, she wandered the hospital hallways. Aimlessly, dazed, worried, confused. Upon her return to the waiting area, Tsunade was already looking for her. They entered over into the hokage's private wing, where she had her home attached to the hospital itself. Tenten sat down on the same chaise lounge Neji had slept on not too long ago.

"So, what's going on?" she wanted to know. Tsunade was silent for a while, then said:

"Haven't got a clue."

"Fantastic," Tenten murmured sarcastically. It was not a snarky remark, none of this was Tsunade's fault. The infinitely elder woman came to sit down next to Tenten.

"What you told me…" she began. "Are you sure that some of it was not just him? I mean, can we exclude that it was not a symptom of your… condition at all?"

Tenten's gaze still lingered across the room on a random wooden bowl, prodding it with an emptied look. "The sleeping, vomiting or the physical stuff?"

The healer seemed reluctant to answer. "Well, I was thinking more of the ... physical stuff, as you called it just now."

Tenten shook her head.

"Absolutely not. You know us. We've been married for twenty years and never, ever have we crossed that line."

Tenten's gaze still clung worryingly steadfast to the wooden bowl.

"And things couldn't have changed?" Tsunade hinted carefully. This got Tenten's attention, though not in a good way.

"No," she said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Tsunade attempted to veil her emotions on the subject, but Tenten was a quick observer.

"We're not hormonal children anymore. We like each other with all the appreciation and respect we can muster." When Tsunade averted her gaze, Tenten stood up to look down on her superior. The irony would not be lost on Tsunade later.

"Do you think it's been easy?" Tenten's voice was dangerously low, her shoulders rose striving for her earlobes.

"That anything we've done has ever been easy? Our duty records are impeccable, but our personal situation was unique. And no one - not even you - gets to judge us. Is that clear?"

Tsunade felt some bile rise in the back of her throat. She was never the kind of gal to take more than she would hand out. But in this case, she made an exception. She had been there and knew their story, in all its gory details.

She nodded and watched Tenten turn on her heel and storm out.  
"Call me when he's up," she growled over her shoulder, smashing the door closed behind her.

Tsunade stayed put on her floor, leaned the back of her head against the chaise-lounge and took a deep breath. She stayed that way longer than anticipated, because the next time she opened her eyes, her assistant had tentatively knocked and upon not receiving an answer entered, alarmed.

"Uhm. Tenten left the hospital. Did you know about this? She looked quite upset. Scared the heck out of an intern."

"Let her be." Tsunade got up, moved the wooden bowl a few inches to the right, "She'll come around. Oh - but get me Suna-Gakure on the phone, please."

The capable Shizune wasted no time. She was good in a crisis, but usually those included animosity between completely different parties. Such internal turmoil was very disturbing to her.


	2. Guilt

Temari and Shikamaru arrived within the week. They were shocked to see the developing situation. Neji was pale and thin, tied to a hospital bed, though no discernable illness could be held accountable. Tenten on the other hand went about her daily life with a fury. Shopping for groceries was done in one swift, efficient activity, but she barked her orders at the vegetable venders as if attacking them. In fact, she seemed to be attacking everything in life. And feeling very defensive about it as well. Shikamaru made a joke about it. Get it? Defensive about attacking? He thought it was very funny.

Temari rolled her eyes as she heard her husband make the same joke for the tenth time since their arrival. He had felt the need to goof around after Tenten had stormed off to her bedroom in the middle of dinner after they had just tried to discuss her changed behavior. Needless to say, it had not gone well. When asked whether Tenten was aware that things had changed, she slammed down her fork next to her dinner, stood up and left them alone in the kitchen.

"Things change. Deal with it," had been her parting words.

Shikamaru could only see the humor in it: "That went about as bad as it could."

Temari told him to shut up and started clearing off the table. They were making no progress with their friend. It was time to get the family roped in.

The following day, Shikamaru took Tenten for a training session, while Temari met with Neji's beloved cousin Hinata at the hospital. They exchanged pleasantries and both tried to engage Neji in conversation, but he was even more passive than was usual for him. He just turned his head on the pristine, starched pillow and stared out the window, his face shrouded in shadow.

Hinata got him to tell them Tenten had visited him last night. Apparently, she ignored visiting times and was just popping by at whatever hours. But to coax more from his tired mouth was even beyond Hinata.

"It's like he's wasting away." Concern was etched onto Hinata's stunningly beautiful features. They gave her a divine, ethereal look.  
"Well, she, on the other hand, is burning up. Never seen her so hot-headed," Temari responded once they found themselves back in the hospital hallway.

"When I talked to Tsunade on the phone, she said to keep my eyes open for any stressors. So? You know of anything that could cause it? Any recent traumas?" Temari was adamant to get to the bottom of this. But Hinata felt of little use. She stared into the face of the taller woman.

"No? … Yes?" She faltered. "I don't know. None of us have the easiest lives. They'd just gotten back from a mission and he looked exhausted when we saw him again-"

"When was this?"

"Just a couple days after they'd returned. Neji had some chakra problems - though nothing he couldn't handle, as far as I was told."

Temari nodded. "What was it about?"  
Hinata shrugged.

"It's classified. Only Naruto and Lee would know."

"They were with them?"

Hinata nodded. Temari's eyes twinkled.

"Aren't you dating the wannabe hokage?"

Hinata's face fell, then it went hard and she lifted her hands in a defensive pose.

"Nope, not doing it!"

"Come on. Just ask him."

"That's treason!" Hinata held against that, a little too loudly. They smiled at the steady stream of hospital staff, which now chose to give them a wide berth.

Temari rolled her eyes.

"You don't have to be so honorable. You're not the only one from a big family. I have just as much to uphold as you. Anyway, we'll try something else first." With those words Temari strode off, gesturing for Hinata to follow her. The heiress was not used to being treated like this anymore, but she was aware that Temari did not mean to be disrespectful. _Still_…

"That's not why I said it," she muttered under her breath. Her family honor had not meant a lot to her since her early twenties when she had realized that honor was a very personal thing. She took one more peek at Neji, curled up in his bed like a puddle, and then followed Temari with all the determination she could muster.

Lee had still not been released from the hospital. The reason for this was that there had been complications during his operations and so he had spent the majority of his stay in an artificial coma. Now he was awake again and still under surveillance but that did not seem to impact his optimism in the slightest. At least this is what they heard from one of the nurses. They also learned that Tenten kept just as irregular visiting hours with him as she did with her husband. Also, Lee had slipped into Neji's hospital room once or twice, but never seemed to want to stay long.

Upon entering Lee's room, they were greeted enthusiastically at first, just as the nurse had predicted. But when they shifted the conversation to Lee's closest friends he seemed to tense up.

"I already told Tsunade all I know. There was nothing unusual on the last mission and they weren't acting strange before that. We all ate the same food. Other opportunities for poisoning were also minimal and, besides, she's already run every known test. I don't mean to be rude, but the power of youth is running out by the minute, and I'd like to spend mine doing something useful."

Temari was perturbed. At home, no one talked to her so brazenly.

"Helping your friends isn't useful?"

"It's Neji," Lee replied adamantly. "Ever tried helping him? It _doesn't_ _work_." He shrugged as if to say '_Oh well, Neji being Neji_'.

"And what about Tenten?"

"That girl hasn't needed emotional help in her entire life. Whatever it is, she'll have it figured out in no time," Lee predicted and proceeded to rearrange the pillow in his back awkwardly after making such a confrontative statement.

Temari's face felt hot from rage, Hinata could barely suppress a chuckle.

"Tenten is my friend just as much as yours-," Temari began but did not get far because of Lee's disagreeing features. He had scrunched them up beyond recognition and said as soon as there was an opening:

"Actually, that's not true. We're childhood friends and professional partners. Whereas you're an old enemy that saw the error of her ways." He shrugged again. "There's a difference."

The reference was ill-timed, but not incorrect. There had been no love lost between the two women until well into Tenten's marriage when the two happened to bond over a most boring dinner party between the Hyugas and Suna-Gakure's finest.

"When did you get so cocky, frog?" Temari hissed. Her posture shifted from interrogator to attacker in her chair, but Hinata quickly interfered.

"I don't think we need more fighting at this moment." Though she had let Temari take the reins so far, there was no lack of authority in the heiress. She had just contained it so far. Her forceful words calmed the two. She gave Lee a kiss on the cheek and wished him god's speed on his path to recovery. Then she motioned elegantly for Temari to follow her out of the room.

"Lee's a dead end, but we can try Naruto," Hinata finally agreed.

They found the ninja at his favorite place. Temari was not surprised Hinata knew where to look for him. When entering the small restaurant, the brothy scent of noodle soup made her stomach grumble. Naruto was draped carelessly onto one of the chairs, blond hair hanging into his eyes as he slurped his lunch.

"Naruto?" Hinata's voice was suddenly sweet and small, accompanied by the loveliest of smiles making her iridescent skin radiate with warmth and comfort. It was such a change from her authoritative persona, which had accompanied Temari all the way down from the hospital, she could not help but stare.

Naruto's face lit up.

"May we sit?" Hinata inquired. The boy nodded enthusiastically. Although, Temari admitted, she should say man now. Indeed, the boy had grown up into a figure of sinewy strength, catlike speed, and a cunning no one could have predicted. Still, every time she spent time away from Suna-Gakure, Temari forgot, and the transformation hit her again upon each return. Luckily, the transformation was not complete. When he smiled, his dimples still broadcast the aura of a mischievous little troublemaker showcasing his personality apart from the warrior he was.

"Temari and I," Hinata began their tale of woe. "Have some very serious questions for you."

He nodded gravely.

"I think we should go somewhere more private."

Naruto's gaze switched from her to Temari, dropped his chopsticks into his soup bowl and nodded. They had his lunch wrapped up by the vendor and turned their steps towards his home. Naruto opted to live in a modest little apartment not far from the training grounds. He could have afforded something better by now, but Hinata knew he felt it was important to stay connected to one's origins. It was one of the things she liked about the war hero.

By the manner in which Temari was looking around, bewildered, Hinata could tell that her companion had less understanding for the unusual accommodation. They took seats around Naruto's tiny kitchen table with one wobbly leg.

"What can I do you for?" He wanted to know. An exterior casualness was still possessing him, but it was obvious to both women that he was actually on high alert.

"My dear friend Tenten has gone berserk and I need you to-"

Hinata interrupted Temari with a strict hand gesture, causing the other woman to shut up sullenly. A sigh escaped her lips.

"What our guest from Suna-Gakure means," Hinata phrased carefully. "Is that lives are at stake. If they weren't, we would not be talking to you. Tsunade herself is at a loss, which is incidentally why she called for our friend here to pay us a visit." She gestured towards Temari, who nodded more gracefully than she felt. Believe it or not, even Temari's husband was more of a diplomat than she.

"So, we would like to know what happened to Neji on the mission. Don't answer any questions about stress or poison or trauma. Just tell us your story."

Naruto's gaze was shifty.

"That's classified," he explained, mostly to Hinata. Regret tinged his voice. She stretched out a hand across the table and laid it atop his worn fingers.

"How about you try to leave out any politically significant details?"

He looked uncomfortable, but it was also painfully obvious he wanted to oblige them. Or at least one of them.

"I was in charge." His voice was heavy. "They were my responsibility."

"I know," Hinata whispered sympathetically. Temari suppressed rolling her eyes. She just wanted the boy to speak.

"We had some trouble ...locating our ...target." Every word was carefully chosen. "So, the mission dragged on for … lemme see, about a month longer than planned. Uhh, 'bout four and a half in total, I'd say."

"Everything was good. Neji, Tenten, and Lee were on my team. They're extremely professional. There was no complaining or worrying. Just focused attention, the way I've gotten used to them." He shrugged, then sighed in search of his next bout of words. "Everyone worked together well. We've been doing missions together for almost thirty years, since we were kids really, right? So, there was absolutely nothing remotely out of the ordinary."

"And when you located your target?" Hinata inquired softly.

"There was an exchange, we had the upper hand. Illusion jutsu granted the subject an escape route. We pursued on foot. Caught up with the subject on the third day. During the exchange Neji and Lee got hurt, but no casualties. Except the obvious one, of course."

He meant the target. That much was obvious. Temari would have loved to know who it was, but she was also aware in the back of her mind it was probably best not to know.

"But what about the injuries?", she butted in at that point. "How'd that happen?"

Naruto frowned for a second trying to remember and disentangle his chaotic battle memories.

"In the report I handed in I wrote that Neji landed the final blow, but was hit in the process, draining him of his last chakra reserves. A boobytrap went off and Lee budged in to save Neji's life but took a heavy hit."

Hinata's breath hitched. Temari's eyes twinkled. "That so?" she mused. Her voice sounded both bemused and dangerous.

Naruto just nodded. He could not possibly know what he had unleashed. Not even Hinata could soothe Temari's temperament on the way back to the hospital. When the two women stormed out of his apartment Naruto could also not ignore the homicidal mood the desert princess of Suna-Gakure was in. Cautiously, he made a phone call. Just in case, he thought.

_ttt_

"You should've told us the entire story!" Temari burst into Lee's hospital room, pointing an accusatory finger. Hinata was close on her heels, but both women stopped dead in their tracks when they beheld the sight. Temari felt deflated.

Tenten was sitting on Lee's bed, holding his hand. It looked as if she had arrived just shortly before they did. Her hair was still tousled from the wind and she seemed slightly out of breath as if she had run here.

"So, I hear you two are caught up in your very own investigation." It was not a question. Obviously, Tenten knew exactly what they were up to.

Hinata hurried to apologize and explain herself. Temari stood tall with crossed arms. She would not apologize for anything.

"We're worried about you," she said. "And you're not doing enough of that yourself." Temari's harsh reprimanding did not have the expected effect.

Tenten nodded.

"I can see how you could think that. But you're wrong." She let go of Lee's hand and invited them to take a seat on the same hospital chairs they had vacated earlier today.

"So, you've uncovered the exact circumstances of everyone's injuries."

They nodded unnecessarily.

"And you've discovered?"

They told her.

"And now you think?"

Temari was the first to speak:

"Neji's a pretty proud guy. Needing rescuing is not his thing."

Hinata had a different view:  
"He's more compassionate than most people know. If he caused his friend so much distress, surely it'd leave a mark."

Tenten exchanged one glance with Lee. The latter made a shriek noise as if they had guessed wrong on a tv show.

"You're both wrong," Tenten declared. "Neji has long ago come to terms with being rescued, even if it is at a loss for a friend." She seemed to know what she was talking about, her eyes far in the past and her voice heavy with her own truth. Unfortunately, this revelation was lost on the two amateur sleuths.

They were about to protest, but Tenten cut them both off. All of a sudden, she looked tired. As if she had aged a hundred years. The sun was beginning to set behind them and the slow descent into darkness cast dark shadows onto Tenten's sunken face. It was painfully obvious she was only a few years away from turning forty.

"You're also wrong about the worrying. I am worried. I'm so worried I don't sleep anymore." For the duration of a deep breath, Tenten rested her forehead in her palm. "Which in turn makes me very agitated. I'm sorry it has been such a burden."

Not entirely sure why, the two women felt incredibly guilty.

"I will take Neji home with me today. Tsunade tells me, they have finally concluded all possible testing options. Any more observation won't do him any good. He seems to be deteriorating."

The gravity was reflected on everyone's countenance.

Solemnly, Tenten announced: "Whatever happens will happen. We'll either figure this out together or not. And if this is his end, he'll die in the comfort of our home."

Hinata quipped what they all thought:  
"Will you… go with him when it happens?"

Tenten did not reprimand her for the infinitely intimate question.

"I have no way of knowing. But my premise stands. Whatever happens, will happen." She looked as if she had been prepared forever.

Then Tenten excused herself and wanted to leave, but Hinata would not let her. Instead, she gave her cousin-in-law a hug. So fierce as if it was given by the little shy girl, full of bottled up emotion. Temari was not the hugging type, but even she could not deny at least having a passing urge to do the same.

"Don't give up hope," Hinata said.

"I'm not. But we also need to be realistic. I knew there was something wrong from the first time we went to visit you guys after the mission."

Hinata's attention peaked. While Temari graced Lee with a curt, formal apology for her rude treatment of him, the cogwheels started turning behind Hinata's exquisite, aristocratic forehead.

"Wait… Why then?"

Tenten looked confused, so Hinata elaborated. Enough for Tenten to tentatively respond:

"He was very reluctant to visit you guys. Not that he relishes gratuitous eating at any point, but he's not one to stall a commitment. So, I knew immediately something was up."

Hinata's bottom lip quivered.

"We've been going about this all wrong. What did father say before you guys left for the mission?"

Tenten tried to remember what the head of the Hyugas had said.

"Toss the milk?" Tenten's features were screwed up with confusion.

Impatiently, Hinata waved that away. Temari and Lee both also seemed lost.

"Uhm. Don't die?", Tenten continued her guesses.

This triggered the heiress' memory. She remembered in Tenten's stead and snapped her fingers in victory: "Don't die without any heirs for me, to be precise!"

Tenten threw Lee and Temari a helpless look.

"Really?" she wondered skeptically. _Hiashi said something that ridiculous?_

"Yeah," Hinata waved their uncertainty away with one slender hand. "He says stuff like that all the time. You guys don't even hear it anymore," she informed them. Years of observing came in handy now.

"But perhaps Neji did last time. He's getting older. As we know, family duty is not something he takes lightly."

"Still…," Tenten mused. "It's a stretch." But doubt had crept into her voice. Temari looked surprised but not totally against the idea. Lee looked like he did not know what to think.

"I need to talk to Tsunade," Tenten decided and excused herself. After a few minutes she came back as if she had forgotten something.

"No word to anyone," she reminded all of them, then disappeared again.

_ttt_

"And this is a real possibility?"

Tsunade was just as skeptical as Tenten had been. The younger woman shrugged helplessly.

"I dunno. I guess, it could be. We're running out of options. It's just…"

Tsunade knew the direction Tenten's thoughts had taken.

"If it's true, that brings on a whole different problem."

Tenten nodded aggravated. Her eyebrows were twisted in concern.

"You wanna take him home and discuss it first?"

Again, Tenten's throat felt too constricted for anything but a nod.

"Ok. Call me as soon as you know and we'll... " Tsunade's professional mask fell off for an instance to reveal the deep-set surrealism of their situation. "...see what we can do."

"Thanks, Tsunade."

"No problem."

"One more thing…," Tenten begged before rising from Tsunade's kitchen bar with the leather high stools. "…I'm sorry."

Tsunade made a gesture as if she was not even aware for what her friend was apologizing.

"I mean it," Tenten emphasized.

"I know," Tsunade retorted with a smile and a pat on the hand.

"Now go get your husband out of my hospital before his stubbornness frustrates all the gray back into my hair."

Tenten gave a wry, tired little smile, and was all too happy to oblige.

Picking up Neji was an exceptional experience. He seemed both to dread and welcome her announcement. There was an ache deep in her chest at his reluctance to let her in. They had rules. They had agreements. And he was breaking them.

Putting her anger aside, Tenten packed up his things and helped him out of bed and into his clothes.

"I got some pumpkin soup in the refrigerator, but we could also do steak. What would you prefer?" she asked him on their way out. He shrugged. Tenten had not heard him speak in forever, but that was about to change. As soon as they were home, Neji showed signs of wanting to retreat to his room once again, but Tenten would not have it. She tossed his sleep-over bag in front of his feet.

"No, sir," she exclaimed. Her finger beckoned him. Finally a flicker of her Neji was recognizable in the depths of his glazed eyes.

"Sit," she commanded and pulled him first into the kitchen and then into a chair.

"We're going to play twenty questions now. But the special version." Her stern look allowed no mercy, so he nodded in a disgruntled manner.

It was another of their agreements. In this version Neji was the only one who had to answer questions. Tenten had come up with it as a last resort to get Neji to open up short of torturing him for information about five years into their nuptials.

"Now, I didn't do this before, because I didn't even have an inkling of where to begin." She gasped for breath. "Do you want children?"

Neji sat up straighter in his chair. Tenten did not need any other answer beyond that.

"Because your uncle mentioned it before we left?"

Hesitantly, he nodded. Tenten sighed. The air expelled seemed to go on for forever. As if she had been holding her breath for weeks.

"Why didn't you just tell me?" She reached across their kitchen table. He let her grab his hands.

When he spoke, it was a hoarse whisper: "I … felt guilty." Tenten ascribed the hesitation to the trouble with his voice. Speaking obviously caused him much pain. He coughed.

"Leave it to you," Tenten choked on her tears. "To survive wars to be eaten up by guilt."

She caressed his bony thumb with hers. He shied away from the touch.

"It's so weird to see you wrestle with a psychological issue," she admitted. Their deep and personal connection flared up between them. Neji shifted in his chair.

"There's something I need to know from you." His gaze did not meet hers; she was intrigued. "Can you forgive me?"

Tenten thought she knew what he meant. Surely he was talking about him not having told her.

"Sure. Of course." _What a stupid question_, she thought, but the intensity of his relief was palpable. So much, the density of the experience caused her to sidle closer to him. She was too caught up in her own thoughts to notice him pull away from her body's warmth ever so slightly.

"Do you ever miss it? The possibility to fall in love?"

Unconsciously Tenten backed away herself, shocked by his sudden inquiry. But she caught herself quickly again.

"Wow. _Love_. That's a new word in your vocabulary," she scoffed, entertained. "Not that I'm complaining. I'm glad you're talking at all." The confession gave insight into the depth of her despair.

"I went off the deep end, didn't I?" Neji looked just as puzzled at the occurrence as Tenten had felt. She had not been lying when she had confessed how unnerving it had been to see her husband suffer from anything but a physical injury.

"It was hella scary," she whispered. Neji flashed her a look as if he was wrestling with similar feelings.

"It was weird for me too," he confessed. "Like…" He squinted, searching the depths of his repressed person for something. "… a barrier." He subtly avoided eye contact as he said it.

He thought about it some more while Tenten patiently waited. When Neji began talking, one had better not interrupt him. There was no telling when he would feel like it again.

"A barrier between me. And you. Me and the world."

Tenten smiled ironically. "I think that's called depression."

The word did not seem to ring much of a bell: "Never had it," was all he said and Tenten felt like laughing.

Later that day Temari and Shikamaru returned. Temari had spent the rest of the day with Hinata because if she had spent it with anyone else she may have let something spill about the day's events. After Shikamaru had failed to keep Tenten occupied on the training fields, from going home, receiving Naruto's phone call or rushing to the hospital, he had decided a little alone time might come in handy. So, he had avoided any possibility of running into his wife before she had had the time to cool down.

Dinner was a strained affair seeing as Shikamaru could definitely tell that Neji was less apathetic than before and Tenten and Temari were sharing knowing looks, but he would be damned if he could put the puzzle pieces together. His suspicions were confirmed when Temari announced that they would be leaving for home the next day. Shikamaru could not tell per se whether Temari had solved the problem she had come to solve, but she seemed more confident now in her friend than she had upon their arrival.

"Fine, see if I care," he murmured as he watched the two friends smile fatigued but hopeful at one another. He struggled to catch Neji's eye but that guy was like a fortress. Shika sighed. All of this was too troublesome, so he was actually glad when they could return to their home. There he disliked any entangled social situations just as much, but at least he was in the loop of what was going on.

The next day, after they had waved goodbye to their desert-bound friends, the couple retreated back inside. They planned their next week. Tenten felt like alternating between sighing and crying her relief out because she felt Neji rejoin her in their life. It had been tough to see the battered warrior reduced to a sluggish veteran, but with every day the strong, well-mannered Hyuga was returning. He regained his regular sleep schedule, never missed an opportunity to drag her to an extra training session, ate a healthy diet and engaged in sporadic conversation with her. At least, he seemed to be back to normal.

Some changes had occurred, but not necessarily in him. The ordeal had left its mark on their routine. Now, Tenten insisted on them telling each other about their days just before going to bed. Neji had thought it peculiar and extraneous but complied. Unbeknown to him was Tenten's reasoning that she needed to hear his voice right before bedtime in order to be able to fall asleep. Currently, she could not go a day without hearing his voice. She would also be checking his bedroom for weeks to come.

"Then I revised the last chapter and started on the new one. It has proven a challenge to pick up where I had left off several months before, but I am back on track." Neji's voice though still hoarse was a lot stronger. It sounded infinitely better now than during his hospital stay. Ever since his brush with death that had them embark on their path of sharing a life, his voice had never been the smooth baritone from his youth, but to Tenten's ears this raspy dry husk was like music.

He looked at her expectantly from the other side of the sofa.

"Ohh. Well, I helped Tsunade go over some policy papers. Everybody wants money of course, and I'm not sure that the current fund allocation is smart. So, I'm pushing for a revision for the coming year."

Neji thought about it for a moment and agreed it was smart. Then she added:

"I also talked to Tsunade about getting the IV process started."

At first, Neji looked as though he had no idea what she was referencing. Then it hit him, apparently, because he seemed all ears, though he was hiding a look of surprise.

Perhaps he had not expected her to be open to the idea. There was no other apparent explanation for why he would have forgotten what threw him into his stupor. That his misery may have been caused by her disinclination to fall in line with Hyuga tradition threatened to derail the conversation. The thought was unbearable to her. To reassure him and herself, she was all on board, she hurriedly continued:

"But you and I will have to find a surrogate first. I was thinking we could talk to Sakura, see whether any young, healthy ninja teaching at the academy might be interested. We can offer a nice financial package and if that's not enough, I'm sure Hiashi will be happy to pitch in from the Hyuga heritage fund."

Neji hesitated a bit too long before nodding for Tenten to be comfortable and to ascribe it to his usual cautious nature.

"That's what you want, right?", she asked.

Again, there was hesitation. Tenten got a little scared. She told him so. Instead of mocking her, he gruffly proffered his hand for her to hold. Sometimes the gesture provided comfort even though he always did it absentmindedly while he was actually thinking about something completely different.

"You wouldn't want to do it?", he finally ventured. Tenten was so surprised she almost laughed.

"I don't think that would be smart. Imagine, nine months is a long time. A baby on a mission would be catastrophic! And I don't even want to think about mixing my inferior genes into the mix. Unless of course, you're proposing we use someone else's eggs."

He nodded, completely level-headed. "You would have to stay home, of course."

Tenten retracted her hands from his. Her alarm bells went off. He was breaking rules again.

"We said we'd never do that. Split up."

He nodded again, remembering.

"Hm," he said to give her something. He was aware how nervous it now made her when he retracted verbally.

"This cannot be a serious suggestion," she warned him. Regardless of what they wanted, being separated for long periods of time was still something that caused them occasional nightmares because of their history together. Pacifyingly, he raised both hands.

"I meant for both of us to stay."

Tenten looked confused. "Are you talking about retirement?"

He waved his head without actually nodding. It was not a rule. They had not per se agreed never to retire; she had just thought it was an underlying assumption. For hokage and village, until the end, seemed to be one of his life mottos. She had never considered to question it.

Tentatively, she spoke:

"I'd be ok with whatever you want. But..." She afforded him her hand again. It was not completely alien to consider. She herself had been worried about his physical health as well and she herself also felt unusually tired most of the time. As if something were missing from her life. "...any such decision should be discussed with Tsunade."

He stated his assent.

"So, it's settled. We'll go by her place tomorrow evening."

Even as Tenten said the words, she could not help but wonder about his furrowed brow. There was something he was unhappy about. She remembered him using a most uncommon word the day she had brought him home.

"If there's more to say, now's your time."

He seemed disinclined. A sour line ran from his mouth to his chin. The aristocrat was becoming less happy by the second. Tenten was ready to cut her losses and admit that pushing the issue may have been a mistake, when he graced her by opening his mouth after all.

"Our union may not have been what most of us dream of."

"What are you talking about?" Tenten sighed exasperatedly. Twenty years. Twenty years and he still had the ability to open his mouth and expel words that she could not disentangle. Sometimes she wished he was not so much of a silent fortress of enigmas.

"A marriage of convenience is all I could ever hope for-…," he began. Tenten was well aware of Hyuga marriage customs. Poor Hinata was still suffering the effects thereof, keeping her relationship low-key. "… -but I realize you may have had other… inclinations when younger."

Tenten guffawed at his phrasing.

"What? Me in a white dress with friggin flowers?" She looked at him as if he had lost his mind. Her laughing flung her into the cushions of their elaborate sofa. "For what? The same life we have now? What in the world are you talking about? Our wedding has literally never come up before."

Tenten really tried to hold back her snickering but the image of herself as a young blushing bride were too ridiculous to suppress. The idea gave her shivers. Now she was old, but she had never had such fancies, and when she thought about it more, she was hardly sure whether she should be offended by Neji's tactless assumptions. How come she had never known he thought of her this way? Then again, she probably should listen to him more before judging. He was her best friend in the whole world for more reasons than proximity. She doubted he truly thought about her this way.

"What's up, for real this time?"

He began again, with an aristocratic chin raised in defiance:

"A marriage of convenience is-"

"Sorry," she interrupted earnestly. "I really want you to finish whatever medieval thought is coursing through your brain, but I need to interrupt you right there. Our marriage is not exactly one of convenience."

She looked at him sternly and simultaneously she had trouble keeping a smile at bay. God, she'd missed disputing with him! With all the worry that had racked her, she had lost sight of how much she missed just spitting out the words without thinking about them.

"It's really a marriage of necessity," she reminded him and grabbed his hand back from him.

"Now I'm not ashamed you don't want my DNA in your batch, but we're stuck to one another. You can't leave me as much as I could leave you. Convenient is different."

Deflated, he had to concede to her impeccable logic.

"No one would be ashamed of your DNA makeup," he murmured. The diplomatic response showed his good breeding, and she felt almost excited.

"That's nice," she rewarded his attempt at civility, but went on to prattle about all the possibilities out there: "Just think! Maybe we could even get Sakura's daughter? She's about twenty now. Can you imagine another Hyuga prodigy with all the stunning eye magic Konoha has to offer?" Her eyes were glazing over as she already imagined the asset this would mean for their village. Her obvious preoccupation kept Neji silent. Consciously he rubbed his thumb against the inside of her palm, sliding unhinged over every thick callus. He did not realize she was putting on a show for him, excited about something that gave her chills. Neither did she notice he was doing the exact same thing.

They proceeded to chat about DNA and juxtaposed it with a quick discussion of their grocery list before retiring.


	3. Struggle

The following day, Tenten showed up to the hospital earlier than agreed upon. She had something else to do first. Purposefully, her stride lead her to Lee's room. He greeted her with his never waning energy and showed her how well he could walk and even perform some of his training elements.

"Don't overdo it," Tenten reminded him lovingly. He nodded and returned to where she was seated on the edge of his bed.

"Now tell me why you've really come," he urged her. She told him of the newest developments. Lee whistled low. "Wow," he said.

She nodded.

"How do you feel about that?"

"I told him I was excited."

"And how do you feel about _that_?" Lee was smarter than people gave him credit for.

"I don't know." His repetitive questions had more purpose than being annoying.

"Relieved?"

"I don't know." She was not capable of giving him a more detailed answer. Understandingly, Lee wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her close, buried his nose at her neck.

"Are you so worried about him asking you to carry to term? It makes sense. Can you imagine a poor young woman living in your home acting as your surrogate? Not that he would not take care of her, but interacting with him takes some getting used to. You're not the youngest anymore, but it makes perfect sense to me. Him suggesting it, I mean."

Tenten had to admit Lee had a point. It did make sense. Still, there were a myriad of things creeping up at the back of her mind that bothered her. At the moment, there was one issue in particular. The matter of DNA rested on her quite heavily. And biology. Pure capability.

"Then what worries you so?" This was Lee trying to be understanding.

There was no hint of the merry mood Tenten had let herself display the previous night. She began to shiver unconsciously. Lee tightened his grip on his friend.

"It's just … I..." She choked on her words. "I _remember_."

The intensity of the last word resonated in the hospital room as much as in their souls. Lee, of course, had a surefast inkling of what she was referring to.

"I could feel it. _Feel_ it…" _Leave my body. Disseminate forever._ She searched for words as her chest constricted. "I don't think I have that ability anymore." Her voice quivered fearfully. "And I'm not sure he has it either."

Lee understood. Because he remembered. All the surreal horror of their story. He had been there.

Twenty years ago.

_ttt_

_Neji's lifeless body lay between them, elevated on a stone slab, the lid to his elaborately decorated coffin. They were on death guard duty, mere days away from his funeral. Of course he had been cleaned up nicely. He still had all his original organs as too much prep was against Hyuga rules, but he had been washed thoroughly and all damage had been patched up and hidden with careful creams and powders. He almost looked asleep if it were not for his dry, waxen exterior. Lee had left Tenten in her corner of the cave, while he tried to stay awake on his. The flickering torch gave their surrounding a sanctimonious but eerie feeling._

_Then Sakura stormed in, ready to change all their lives. Tsunade and Shizune in her tow. Unperturbed by Lee's red-rimmed eyes, she began waving papers in their faces and talking. Hinata followed soon after as if she had been running to catch up with the group._

_Sakura just kept on talking about chakras. Lee did not understand a word of it, chakra not being his area of expertise. But it had hit him as soon as Hinata opened her mouth:_

"_It could save him."_

_Sakura exchanged a glance with Tsunade._

"_Yes. That's about the gist of it," the latter confirmed. Sakura added: "But Hinata should not be the one to do it." It was obvious that the three newcomers had had an entire conversation about the issue already and had then come to the tomb to share it with the two best friends on death watch._

_The young woman bearing the burden of an entire clan on her shoulders looked ready to protest: "It was my life that he-", but she was interrupted by Tenten so suddenly the room went quiet._

"_They're right. You're not doing it." Her voice echoed through the Hyuga family tomb._

_The ensuing silence was just as loud.  
Finally, Tenten spoke again. "We're not bringing him back into a world where his action was completely worthless. We're not sacrificing you, Hinata."_

_Tenten spoke to her friend's cousin like a mother would to her child even though only one year separated them. It allowed for no protest._

"_If anyone's doing it, it'll be me." The words would haunt Lee for ages. He spoke up vehemently: "Why you? Why not me?"_

_It was a valid question, but Tenten ignored it._

"_Because it's going to be me." There was no sigh, no hesitation. Only a foreboding aura, which made Lee now and forever back down from the subject. There was something in her pose, her voice, her demeanor that made him understand, see her as if for the first time. He understood something about his two friends he had never quite grasped before. But now understanding scratched mercilessly at the back of his mind._

_Sakura and Tsunade exchanged another brief glance and Hinata faltered. Her eyes turned watery and Shizune was the only one compassionate enough to slide an arm around the girl._

_The procedure was complicated. Only Sakura and Tsunade had the necessary chakra to perform it. But the tricky part was that no amount of their chakra could bring back a person._

"_It's not the chakra we usually use. You can't fight with it or use it for anything else. It's like a life force." Apparently, the idea was to use their power to extract this different sort from Tenten's body and award it a new host._

"_So, I'd have enough?" Tenten wanted assured. The two experts nodded. _

"_Everyone has it. But it cannot be replenished. If the procedure succeeds, you won't have any left for… for yourself." Hinata was explaining what she had been willing to do herself, but now that Tenten had taken her place she had a hard time holding back the tears._

_Tsunade gave Shizune a nod and the assistant tore the evermore frantic Hinata away from the scene. They left the tomb slowly but steadily. Only then did Sakura nod. She licked her lips, before speaking again._

"_But you don't have to do it. One life is not more valuable than the other."_

_What Sakura had tried to express in her vague words on general morals, was made much more explicit by Tsunade's unafraid wording: "She means we're not urging you to do this just because we want the Hyuga prodigy back for the village's assets."_

_A sardonic smirk pooled in Tenten's left corner of her mouth._

"_I'd be lying if I said the village's safety did not factor into my resolve." _

_At Tenten's words, Lee could not help but feel a surge of admiration for his friend. Perhaps he even envied her a little, but he knew better now than to fight with her over the privilege of giving the ultimate sacrifice. He felt sure, the village was not her only concern._

"_But, for your own peace of mind, personal reasons bind me to my decision as well," Tenten finished her line of thought, confirming Lee's suspicions._

"_Good enough for me," Tsunade assured her. They gave Tenten a day to get her affairs in order. Luckily she had no family to inform. So, she just bequeathed all of her professional arsenal to Lee and spent the day walking around Konoha with him. At the end, she wrote Hinata a short letter. The few lines thanked the heiress for letting Tenten take the place she had obviously saw herself in and hoped that she would grant her cousin's friend another wish, which was to live as happily as she could. Then, hand in hand with Lee, they returned to the tomb and waited for Sakura and Tsunade to arrive. It was actually the three of them waiting, though one was blissfully dead, unaware of the heavy atmosphere around him._

"_Are you scared?" Lee asked her. Her soft brown hair fell open upon her shoulders. She wore her professional attire, wanted to go out in the line of duty. When she shook her head, Lee believed her._

_The ritual itself was terrifying and left Lee awe-struck. Chakra had always seemed like magic to him but what the three women accomplished that night bore a godly mark regardless of who would have observed them._

_Neji's body was laid on a plane on the floor. He and Tenten had no trouble lifting his heavy body onto it. A second one was provided for Tenten, who readily spread out on hers of her own accord. She kept her arms close to her torso, palms up. Tsunade and Sakura began weaving their net of energy. What Lee was not expecting was its subtlety. There were no big explosions of chakra, just faint filigree streams. Only a faint whisper of power flowing through the tomb like a draft gave a hint of power. _

_With every heartbeat that passed, Lee could see the effects. Tenten's rosy cheeks turned gray, her springy hair became limp. Even her fingernails turned a deathly ashen. The longer it went on, the more she seemed to die. Her features stayed calm, but Lee could not imagine there was no pain. Her skin tightened around her bones. Her gaze became glazed, at the very end her eyelids fluttered and shut. Her breath became evermore shallow and when it stopped Lee heard the shatter of his own heart within the quietness of his soul. He could see tears running down Sakura's cheeks._

_What happened next was just as painful to watch. Neji's lifeless body had only marginally changed. The deathly pallor had substituted his waxen features for a dewey parchment white. But still, he would not breathe. For an agonizingly frozen instant Lee was convinced they had lost both of them but then Neji seemed to struggle. Almost as if he were fighting life, clinging to death like a very ironic lifeline. It seemed as if his supine body was going to be sick, but the only thing his mouth expelled was a breath of air at last. He choked and coughed his way back into life, finally rolling onto his side and heaving dryly. Only now did Lee realize that his own cheeks were streaked with wet as well. He wanted to rush to his friend's side but felt apprehensive about disturbing the progress._

_The longer Neji's retching went on, the more Lee thought something was wrong. The ritual had clearly not ended yet, death could still repossess their friend any moment. Tsunade and Sakura seemed in strain. Sweat was dripping off their bodies and Tsunade's youth charm had worn off, making her age in huge strides. Soon her hair had turned a silvery white and lines protruded from her features. Still, Neji would not open his eyes or show other signs of consciousness other than wrestling with his respiratory system._

_Then the most surprising thing happened. It shocked them all so much that Sakura and Tsunade let go of their restraint releasing their power over both bodies as if they'd been scorched from the inside._

_Tenten gasped, coughing violently._

_While Sakura and Tsunade sat in horror, clasping each other for support, Neji finally opened his eyes and twisted his torso to face the person who had expected to die for him. His hand twitched as if he wanted to touch her. They both looked equally dead and equally alive now._

_Tsunade groaned in pain and, frantically, Sakura put out another hand to steady the hokage. This broke the spell on Lee as well, who rushed to thrust his knees into the ground, kneeling next to Tenten. He called her name first once, then twice. Then in a never ending stream until she finally swallowed and looked around her as if in an anguished daze._

"_What happened?", Sakura whispered, but no one could answer her question. Neji groaned as he heaved himself up on one elbow. He looked as disoriented as one would imagine a zombie to be. His eyes kept darting to the writhing Tenten. She had to squeeze her eyes shut again to deal with an unknown pain. Devoid of strength Neji belly-crawled closer to her until his body touched hers, then curled up and groaned some more._

_After this evening, the five of them had never been the same again. Of course both Neji and Tenten had survived, but quite how none of them ever understood. After the event the two had been in more or less constant agony for two days. Refusing to leave each other's side, they had been rushed to the hospital in one wagon, treated in the same room. _

_In the beginning being apart for more than just a meter would cause indeterminable panic, agony, and retching. Almost no other response was possible for them and Lee already imagined them living this dazed half-existence with only him coming to visit their empty shells. _

_But after the roughest part was over, they returned back to an almost livable existence. One where being alive did not mean constant torture. It afforded them the presence of mind to talk. Though either one refused to speak about the event itself, they did discuss how they could possibly organize their lives around their current situation and came up with a workable solution. _

_Sakura and Tsunade also gave Neji a thorough explanation of what they had done and how. Lee was confident his friend understood a whole lot more than Lee had. Three days later the two undead friends were married in a small private ceremony. Hinata was the most dazed bridesmaid anyone had ever seen. Unbeknown to her at the time, the ungrateful task of explaining matters to her father would fall to her. But right then, in this moment of history, she handed Tenten the ring as if in a dream. Lee imagined he had looked the same when he had done so for Neji. The newlyweds had spent the first months of their marriage living in Tsunade's guest house under constant surveillance, but soon external circumstances called upon the couple again. For hokage and country. And they answered the call. Never the ones to back away from a fight, their unusual plight made them more effective as a team. Proving themselves in battle went a long way in convincing Tsunade that they could take care of themselves. And so they had._

_ttt_

All of this flashed before Lee's inner eye as he held Tenten, who was convinced she was barren.

"So that's the real cause of your worry." Lee stated, who had come to understand that sometimes there was more than one layer to these things.

"I am really afraid he's the same way. We'll never have children."

If it was true that Neji had withered away under depression over an inability to fulfill his family duty, then the future of never being able to fulfill it held no great promises for their health and happiness.

Lee could do nothing but hold her all the tighter, wipe the cold sweat off her forehead and hope for the best. He did not have to fully understand what happened that day to know that their lives were linked in the most intimate way, but at the same time a great toll had been taken from them.

He had seen Neji's haggard face during his most recent hospital stay himself. He had also perceived the increase in worry lines on Tenten's countenance. It was an undiscussed assumption between the friends that if one of the two died the other one would probably follow not soon after. There were no precedence cases for such a union, but it stood to reason that they shared a life force and neither one could live with half of one.

Lee held her for about twenty more minutes, before she put herself together again and went to keep her appointment. Tsunade's guards never stopped Neji nor Tenten from entering the hokage's hospital-adjacent home. So, when she sauntered in and already saw Neji elegantly perched atop one of the bar stools in the kitchen, she was not surprised. Together they waited for their superior in command.

"How was your day?" she wondered.

"Made good progress on the book."

"That's great."

He had been writing an academic treatise on warfare. Neji worked mostly from his own experience, but sometimes he also had to do interviews. Tenten usually helped him with those. Even if they stopped going on missions, there would still be plenty of things for them to do in Konoha, she realized.

Tsunade strode in mid-conversation, but did not interrupt them, just vanished to the back of the room and into her bedchambers. Having changed into something more comfortable, she joined her long-term friends at the kitchen bar.

"So, this is happening?" she asked with a smile. It seemed almost hopeful.

"I guess so," Tenten chuckled breathlessly. Neji just nodded solemnly.

They proceeded to discuss the different options.

"Usually, I first advise couples to just engage in unprotected intercourse for a couple of months and see what happens. But with you…" She made a meaningful pause indicating that they were not a usual couple.

"Well, first of all," Tenten began. "Our union is not a romantic one."

Tsunade nodded. She had been aware of this, of course, since day one.

"And secondly," Tenten continued. "I'm very worried about conceiving naturally."

Neji turned his gaze towards her. A flicker of alarm flashed across his expressionless eyes. She sighed deeply.

"I'm really sorry, Neji. But we have to be realistic. I know you have this thing about your family and serving them, and I stand one hundred percent behind you. I just think we should concentrate all our efforts on you. It's your heritage that's important here."

There was that hint of hesitation again. Still, Neji did not seem to object strongly.

"I know it's not your idea of fun to be prodded and tested. But it's what's right in the eye of duty." Tenten made sure to speak his language on this subject. His watchful gaze rested heavily on her. Tsunade followed their interaction just as carefully.

"We can start running tests as soon as possible," Tsunade assured them. Both women were expecting him to agree instantly. Instead, he surprised them:

"I think, we should take another week off to discuss the options in detail."

Tsunade was more than ok with this and said "Be my guest. Let me grab you some info sheets to take with you."

While she retrieved them, Tenten let her unhappiness show on her face. She was worried that the delay for whichever reason Neji had initiated it, would plunge him into a similar depression again. But she felt apprehensive about sharing her train of thought. Neji had never been considered weak, to think of him now was strange for Tenten but it would be even stranger for him knowing she thought this way. She was hoping for a semblance of her light-tongued remarks from the previous night, but the conversation with Lee had been a little too real.

When Tsunade returned, she circled some options for them specifically and they set another appointment.

On their way home, they walked next to each other peacefully.

"Why wait?" Tenten wanted to know.

"Because it's the right thing to do." There was some logic behind his words, Tenten just wished she knew what exactly it was.

"I get that you think that. I'd just like to be clued in. Please?" She did not try to assess herself with authority as she had before. There was only so much Neji would take of that approach. However, he did not answer until they were home.

"I don't want to put you under unnecessary…of pressure," he confessed. Tenten scanned her brain for any source for this referred to pressure.

"What're you talking about?" she wanted to know as they hung up their jackets and retired to the kitchen. Neji threw some chicken breast into a skillet and started chopping up salad makings. Tenten lounged on a chair, exhausted.

"Did you even give my idea another thought?" he inquired sternly. Tenten was so tired, she could hardly think straight.

"What idea?"

"About bearing the child yourself."

A sarcastic laugh wanted to burst out of her chest, but she suppressed it.

"Neji, I really don't think that'll work."

"The recommended procedure calls for trying the natural method first."

_Ah_, Tenten thought. _Here we go._

Neji was always more comfortable sticking to rules and procedures. It actually caused him physical discomfort to skip a step.

"Sure, if only for form's sake, we'll try and impregnate me first."

"You wouldn't mind?"

"I guess it'd be strange, but my physical experiences have included a lot stranger experiences than carrying a human being." That was an understatement for someone who could count death to the tally. "I'll call Tsunade tomorrow and see when we can give samples. For you it should be pretty easy, but I think giving an egg for the in vitro is a bit more difficult for women." She massaged her temples with closed eyes, so she did not see Neji's carefully hidden expression. Even if she had been looking up, he was so skillful she may not have noticed it even with all her experience in reading him.

"You think we should go for in vitro?"

The line struck her as odd. She fought through the haze of exhaustion and sat up straighter.

"Yeah. What other way is there?"

He said nothing. Only his regular chopping filled the kitchen.

"You've gotta be kidding," Tenten breathed.

Still, no response.

"Neji, you have to say something," she reminded him suppressing the panic that rose up in her.

"Sorry," he acknowledged having forgotten her most recent reaction to his preferred mode of operation. It pained him to know what a useless being he had been for the past few weeks. He recognized his responsibility in putting Tenten's mind at ease after such torturous weeks.

"I was not kidding."

"Gimme a bit more," she asked reasonably for more elaboration. He turned the meat in the skillet and served the salad.

"I am… experiencing some difficulty …envisioning me spending… a lot of time at the … hospital." He talked very deliberately and slowly, giving Tenten enough time to conjure images of his recent stay. Saying this must be particularly difficult for the tough, seasoned soldier.

"So, if there is a way we could try anything … minimizing hospital involvement, that is an option I find … worthwhile exploring." While he had been talking, he had gone about setting the table and now that he was finished, he presented Tenten with her plate of perfectly cooked chicken with a sprinkling of Mediterranean herbs. Before he could sit down in his chair, Tenten grabbed his wrist. He found himself staring into two huge, doleful, brown eyes.

"I understand. I'm sorry for being so difficult about it. I just… didn't fully understand at first."

He accepted graciously and they ate in silence until Tenten strung up the conversation again.

"I understand your motivation for wanting to avoid the hospital. But are you sure you can pull off the 'natural' way?"

He shrugged. "Reasonably."

That was good enough for her.

"So, how do we go about doing it?"

"I'd say missionary is a classic, but we can also try a different pose, where you would not have to see my face if that is more comfortable for you."

Tenten smiled at the considerate offer.

"No fuss needed. Missionary is fine. Great salad by the way. Did you use mango?"

"Yes."

"Tastes amazing. We should add more fruit to our salads."

"I'll remember it for when we're making the grocery list."

Afterwards, they did the dishes together. While drying them, Neji said: "I've realized you are quite tired tonight. Should we commence with our new-set plans tomorrow?"

Tenten shook her head.

"I want to start before I lose my nerve."

His admiring gaze told her that he approved of her resolve and commitment. But still he purposefully drew out the moment they would actually have to go through with it. She could understand him well. Her own apprehension could not measure up to his. He had never expressed the slightest interest in anything carnal.

So, after cleaning their kitchen and twenty years of marriage Tenten and Neji proceeded to sleep with one another for the very first time.

"Your bedroom or mine?"

Tenten could not imagine ever lying in her bed the same after experiencing such an event there, so she answered: "Do you mind if we use yours?"

He shook his head. Neji was usually less affected by emotional occurrences than she. Thankful, she followed him into the dark room.

"Lights on or off?"

"Let's leave them off. You don't need them to see anyway."

"True."

After their word exchange they proceeded to stand silently in each other's vicinity in the dark. Neither one knew how to initiate.

Unfortunately, Tenten did not need lights to know what was in front of her either. She had seen this room a million times. She knew where the bed stood with its two nightstands, one permanently unused, and the rest of the minimal furniture. Except for their wedding picture, there had never been any decorations. Neji was a spartan in any conceivable way.

"I need a minute. Can I use your bathroom?"

"Of course."

Tenten vanished to sprinkle water onto her hot face. It was strange to have finally come to this. She never thought she would be doing this.

As she sat down on the floor, cooling her neck and cleavage with her wet hands, she let the images of their struggle, their post-death experience pass by her inner eye. Again, fighting the memories would never do any good.

The first few months was what most people involved had thought were the worst. Sleeping in each other's arms for fear of painful separation, prodded and watched like lab rats. But what really hit them was their loss of independence. Of course they had been logically aware of the implications. That was the reason they had married. Gravely, they had realized they may never be able to be without the other's company. To ensure as little extraneous resistance as possible, they had made their union official. Legal. Hiashi had had a fit. Tenten never knew exactly what Hinata had told him, but she doubted she had related the entire story.

As time droned on, they were able to sleep in their own beds even though they had to push them up against one another - so only the stretch of an arm could wake the other and pull them closer if a pain attack overcame one of them. Tenten had never seen Neji so miserable as in those moments when an attack hit him. It affected both of them slightly different. It was the same level of agony, but he was known for seemingly vomiting out his soul, whereas she lost her breath from the sensation of a collapsing chest. The everpresent pain of course was difficult to deal with in any scenario, but when war broke out once more this never stopped them from donning their gear and stepping out to help. Their resolve had never wavered, not even when fighting side by side, back to back, as one.

Tenten got up from the floor and saw this activity they were about to engage in as another opportunity to act as one.

When she came out, she sensed Neji had not moved.

"I'm just going to start by undressing," she informed him.

"Good call." His hoarse voice sounded heavier than usual.

She stripped off her blouse but left on her underwear garment. She slid out of her pants and added them to the neatly folded stack on the floor. Last but not least she liberated herself from her panties.

"I'm done."

"I'm aware," Neji assured her.

"Did you undress yet?"

He had to decline, but Tenten heard a familiar efficient ruffle of fabric. She was not afraid to be naked in front of him. There were no physical secrets between them. Both of them had broken limbs before and had enjoyed the support any spouse would have given while dressing, showering and other difficult activities. She was not even scared of being close. It was something she could not quite uncover that sent fearful fright through her system.

"I'll guide you," he decided and took her hand to show her to the bed. More confidently than she felt, did Tenten first sit down, vaguely aware of his stomach close to her face, and then lie down on the mattress. His bed was made, as always, and she had just opted for spreading out on top of the covers. Obviously he could see, because the next thing he asked was:

"Will you be cold?"

"Oh. Hm. I don't know. Is it like any other physical activity where you warm up?"

She sensed his typical shoulder shrug. Then Neji remembered their latest agreement and confirmed his lack of knowledge verbally:

"I wouldn't know. I should think so, but there is nothing wrong with taking precautions."

Tenten nodded and scrambled to pull the cover down and over herself.

"I'm ready."

The situation was strange, but there was no one she trusted more than Neji. So, somehow, surely, it would be ok. She tried to see the humor in their awkward dealings. She almost chuckled at the thought of feeling like a teenaged girl again. She could not have predicted that for the life of her.

The mattress shifted as he placed his weight on it. She could feel his body heat as he slid closer to her. She could also hear heavy breathing, then blowing. She realized he must be blowing breath onto his hands to warm them.

"Thanks," she said and he left it at that. As he slid closer, Tenten wished she was not a 37 year old virgin. Some experience would have come in handy now, but unfortunately she had never felt the urge and she had failed to foresee this development which would have incited her to practice beforehand.

The touch of his warm skin sent shivers over her entire body, goosebumps spread like an intricate design of tipped dominoes. They raced across her skin but diminished just as quickly as Neji's heat took over the dominion of her body. He rubbed her arms to warm her. Grateful, she relaxed next to him. As she felt him move on top of her, she spread her legs enough to allow him a good stance with his knees. Still, their bodies barely touched.

"Would you like me to do anything? I understand lending a hand is not uncommon in such situations." She grinned at her own double entendre well aware that it had passed right by Neji. All the more was she surprised to hear him say:

"Yes."

"Oh. ok. What would you like?"

There was no answer.

"I can't read your mind," she reminded him.

"I can't do it." His voice shook alarmingly. There were cracks in his stoic demeanor. Tenten closed her eyes in disappointment. But she was not quite ready to give up.

"Just tell me what you had in mind. Tell me now," she demanded feebly.

The next words shot out of his mouth as if he had been trying to restrain them and he did not sound pleased:

"Would it be amenable to kiss you?" The request seemed so alien that at first Tenten almost laughed out loud. Instead she swallowed the sound, making it appear as if she had gasped. She noticed Neji's entire body going very stiff in the dark.

"Obviously, it is not an integral part of the-"

She interrupted him, before he gave her an entire speech on alternative methods for commencement.

"Yes, please. Just continue with what you think is helpful." She made a 'whatever you want' gesture she hoped he could see in the dark.

"Go for it. I trust you," she assured him and noticed how uncomfortable she was having him kneel between her spread legs. It was difficult for her to keep them apart. She really wanted to snap them shut and turn away from him.

The thought did not last long for he took her by her word and went for it. The instant he began to kiss her, a terrifying experience popped back into Tenten's mind. With everything that had gone on, she had completely forgotten how this would not be their first kiss ever. A wrestling of lips that put someone in mind of drowning was reclaimed by her memory, the feel of the wall in the back, the abrupt interruption when Tenten had freed her hand. What exactly she had planned to do with that hand, she could not fathom now. The only thing she could think of was how this time she hoped he would not be induced to vomiting by her kissing skills.

The thought was as random and unhelpful as it was absurd. Tenten's explanation for Neji's request was duty. That accounted for the displeasure in his tone. The duty to make the best of this. She wondered fleetingly if he felt disgust. Disgust could make a grown man retch, especially someone who took duty as serious as Neji did. A duty that made him kiss her as if he cared. The rigidity in her legs slacked off a little. The initial storm had subsided to leave him kissing her in a desperately sweet attempt to make things work. Just as she was ready to open her mouth, he interrupted their kiss.

"Perhaps it is better to simply proceed."

"Sure," Tenten kept her voice cheerful although it was laced with disappointment. She felt like a failure. But it was all up to him. She hoped to retain a passive role in all of this if she possibly could.

Nothing happened.

"I'm not being very arousing, am I?" Tenten mused with a helpless smile. She readjusted underneath him. She could not tell how he was supporting his weight but it was obvious he was keeping as much distance between them as he could, even when he had kissed her.

"Are you sure you want to do this with me?" Tenten began. "We could find you someone else appeasable and see whether they might agree to the natural way-"

"Please don't." His words were so forceful, they shut up Tenten immediately.

She had never thought of Neji as a sexual being. Sometimes she wondered whether whatever had happened to them back then had also robbed them of any sexual drive. Libido was also a kind of life energy. They both only had half of it left. Awkwardly, she wondered whether they would even be able to go through with this.

"You're taking awfully long. Just tell me how I can help," Tenten demanded flatly. She stretched out her hands for him in the dark and at first only got his long hair. As soon as she touched the skin, presumably somewhere on his chest, he pulled away abruptly. She could already imagine retching sounds, but nothing of the like happened.

"Tenten. I can't do this."

"Yeah. I can imagine," she breathed sympathetically.

"How?", he asked as if he could not possibly believe she had any inkling of what he was going through.

"I wonder about the same thing. I wonder whether I lost it forever. I mean, I remember having crushes when I was a kid. But ever since then, there's been nothing."

"Nothing," he repeated thoughtfully. She sat up and searched for his hand. She grasped it for comfort.

"I'm so sorry I can't help you," she confided.

"It's not your fault," he seemed very adamant about this. A force she did not witness in him often. Tenten was warmed by the knowledge that she was privileged. Hardly anybody got to see Neji's caring side. It was not a very warm or bright side. It was like a factual statement: to the point. But at the bottom of things, he did care about her, deeply and affectionately. She scooted closer and hugged him from behind.

"I love you like a brother and I wish with all my might I could be of better assistance."

"That is a confusing statement with your breasts pressed against my spine."

The comment struck Tenten as odd not because of its bluntness but its content. That Neji would have realized the comment could be construed as weird did not fit. It was as if a different person had inserted the comment with Neji's voice. The thought scared her.

"Turn on the light," she ordered hastily. Quickly his hand flicked to the bedside table, where a small lamp promptly doused them in orange light. Tenten did not notice the knocked over wedding picture frame. Instead, relieved she realized that Neji was still Neji. The same cold countenance, the strict vertical mouth with thin lips.

His soulless black hair spilled over his muscled, large shoulders as he turned his head to look back at her. She did not shy away from his gaze.

"Do I scare you?"

"Of course not."

"You were scared just now."

_Perceptive_.

Tenten smiled.

"This situation is strange. I'm hearing you say things you've never said before."

He nodded as if he understood.

"We're doing things we've never done before," she added to her explanation. His chest heaved but whether in disgust or restraint she could not tell.

"Do I ever scare you like that?", she wondered. Absentmindedly, he shook his head.

"Never."

"That's good." Tenten felt relieved, but simultaneously a tinge of disappointment made itself known. Was she perhaps upset the feelings were not evenly distributed?

He tried to pull away from her, muttering something under his breath. Neji did not mutter, so she strained her ears to try to make out the words. It sounded like '_I'm doing it again_', which made no sense at all. As previously stated, they had never done this before.

She refused to let go of him, prompting him to speak.

"I feel…" Neji began thoughtfully, almost as if speaking against his own will. Tenten perked up to listen.

"I feel close … to you, but at the same time very far away."

The image he conjured settled within her chest and made it tighten.

"How do you mean?" But Tenten already knew before she finished her question he would not be able to give her a better answer. Neji was a man of weapons, not of words.

"Do you really feel nothing?" he asked her.

Tenten declined to answer. When she had said that she had been referring to one specific feeling. That did not mean she never felt anything. She just did not feel this very specific feeling needed for intercourse.

As Tenten's embrace slackened, he finally freed himself. Tenten hid her discontent. She could not begrudge him the little freedom he had from her. If he felt more comforted pacing the length of his bedroom than pressed against her, she could not deny him that.

"I can't do this," he repeated anguished.

"There are other ways-", Tenten began to rattle off the various paths with which they could achieve their goals.

She never saw his explosion coming.

"_I don't care about the damn clan!_" His hair swiveled around his body as he turned in a fury. "Do you understand? I _don't_ care." He reached out, presumably to shake her but one glance at her vulnerable barrenness made him pull back, throwing his hair over one shoulder instead.

"Don't yell at me," Tenten said dangerously low.

"I can't," he bellowed. He was completely out of character regarding the volume but not the gruiffness of his voice, but Tenten could not even muster any surprise. As much as she tried to hold on to _her_ Neji, he seemed to be coming in and out of focus for almost two months now. Ever since they had returned from their mission, Neji's personality was haunted by this strange man before her, who almost seemed tormented.

"Are you hurting more than usual?" She was referring to their physical separation pain. "

"Just come closer to me," she advised and stretched out her arms in a gesture she had done so many times during their time together.

"No, it's not that," he roared. "It's…" He began pacing again. "It's something else. I feel..." He faltered. It was painful to watch Neji express emotions, like a cat trying to open a canned good.

"Whatever it is we'll figure it out. Just tell me what you feel. I know that's a tough one for you, but I really need you-…" _to tell me_, she wanted to finish, but he interrupted:

"I need you, too...!" He still refused to look at her.

"Need me to…? To do what?" Tenten wondered aloud. It was increasingly difficult to keep her voice steady with everything that was going on.

"You don't understand." His anger was palpable.

"You're right. I don't. You get depressed over not having little Hyuga offspring and now you tell me you don't care about the clan. Such incoherent argumentation is not like you. What the heck is going on? … Want me to call Tsunade?"

His walking slowed and he fell to his knees, defeated, exhausted.

"I don't recognize myself anymore." His voice sounded hollow as if he had been stripped of all strength by some unnamed disease. Tenten wanted to say she didn't either, but wondered whether this may be the only instance in their life where agreeing with him would not put his mind at ease.

"You'll get back to normal," she mused hopefully instead.

"No, I will not. And would you please cover yourself." The brash request made Tenten feel very self-conscious. Hastily she gathered up enough blanket to hide everything but her shoulders. There was an ache in her chest that had nothing to do with their condition. For the first time in their life together, she wished this affliction had been on someone other than Neji, that she would not have to share her life with this grumpy, stubborn, shut-off enigma of a man. Immediately Tenten chastised herself for the thought. It was a stupid notion.

Of course she didn't wish it had been anyone else than Neji, because that would mean he'd be rotting in the ground now. And nothing could ever make her wish that.

He still had not risen from his knees.

"So… you don't care about Hiashi's wish for offspring? It hasn't been a burden on your shoulders?" Tenten inquired, unknowing what else to talk about. From where his face was buried in his hands, he said:

"I don't even remember that." His hoarse, cracked voice sounded feeble. The extent of how broken he was reminded her of their very first days together post-death. She remembered a thought about his misery: She had wondered whether he wished she had just left him for dead instead of bringing him back into a world where he was in never ending pain. She had not had this thought in years since they hardly ever felt such attacks anymore and the pain was not omnipresent.

"Then why agree when I brought it up?" It was as if Tenten had been blind. Now that she could think about it clearly, it had been a very thin argument to begin with. She had clung to this explanation for his behavior because otherwise there would be nothing… Nothing to explain his recent behavior. And Tenten had not been able to stand the feeling of looking for an explanation and finding herself in the middle of a logical desert.

But when it came down to it, Neji cared about Hinata, not Hiashi. Unless he thought that having children would take the heat off her, there was no logical reason why this argument should ever have made sense to her. Confused she remembered how it had come about. Hinata, who always confused her cousin's love for her as love for the clan, had made the claim. And Tenten had clung to it, desperate for an answer. She could hardly believe how stupid her mistake had been.

"Because it's better than the truth." Neji's voice was still just as thin. Her chest ached again.

"What's that, Neji?" She had to know. This crisis had to have a good reason, something she could understand, something to fix.

"I feel so... guilty." The confession sounded as if he had wrestled it from the depth of his being.

"About what?"

"Everything," he breathed. Then he seemed to get a hold of himself. The transition from a heap on the floor to himself was stunning to watch. He picked himself up, straightened up and walked over to her. In a well-accustomed gesture, he proffered his hand. She took it without her eyes ever leaving his face. It was a stoic mask once more. There was a split in his personality, she realized.

"Remember that..." He cleared his throat. "...kiss?"

It came back into her mind, fresh. She nodded.

"I should have never overstepped such a boundary. Honestly, I am not even sure how it occurred. I stopped thinking for just an instance and when I came back, I realized I had already disrespected you. I am ... so ... very sorry." It was plain to see he did not have a lot of experience apologizing. An image of him with a sword flashed her mind, performing the ancient tradition of hara-kiri. He probably would find it preferable to having to ask for forgiveness. His mind was not accustomed to guilt. All his arrogance, but he never felt guilty. However, he did like adhering to rules. As mentioned before, his rigidity extended to physical discomfort if he was unable to follow them. Kissing her had broken a major one between them.

She laid a hand on his cheek.

"It's ok," she whispered. Then it hit her again and she murmured even more breathless than before. "I forgive you." Utterly and completely. It was hard to imagine such a silly little thing had caused this.

"I know you never meant for it to happen."

"I'm not sure…," he mused but left the sentence unfinished. This subtle, hidden insecurity was becoming a new trait of his.

"Do you still want to proceed with the evening?"

He was stunned into silence. She raised an eyebrow.

"You still want to?"

"I can't help but wonder whether we should… try." Why exactly was beyond her since he had admitted the clan's concerns had never been on his mind.

"Will you try with me? It's ok if we cannot manage." She had no illusions about her allure to him.

"Will you kiss me, please," was his only response to her question. It had been released from his lips faster than anything else he had said that evening. Something shifted in the atmosphere of his bedroom.

She did not even question his request. Not for an instance did she let her mind roam around wonderingly. She just cupped his tired face in her palms and drew him close. The bags under his eyes did not diminish their beautiful glow. She kissed him with as much tender ferocity as she could manage. Her fingertips slid into his hairline as she caressed his lips ever more intently, gasping at the new connection between them. His lips were more plush than she had anticipated, cushioning her feeble attempts at affection.

She pulled away to ask him something.

"You know what I sometimes wonder about?"

He shook his head.

"A hug."

He frowned.

"Would you come here and just give me one?"

They had not hugged in quite some time, but she currently longed for his embrace. Just a hand was not enough to steady her nerves.

She retreated underneath the covers again and laid down. He slid beside her, then on top of her, slowly closing the space between them. Instead of trying to keep her legs painfully spread wide, she pressed them into Neji's sides. As soon as she felt the full length of his body on hers, to her amazement, she also imagined to feel his arousal. Perched on the inside of her left thigh, pressed into her warm skin by the weight she had demanded he place on her.

"Tenten," his voice was heavy again as if he had something weighing on his conscience.

"Since the mission, I've been experiencing… certain tendencies. Whenever I am close to you. It is a threat."

She encased him in her embrace. "You don't scare me," she professed and stretched her neck to plant feathery kisses along his jawline. When she reached his mouth, she was met by lips that made her insides churn. Her legs wrapped themselves around his hips. She could feel his hands on her, roaming in a way they had never done before. When he finally entered her, she held his face close to her cheek, pressing him down so he would not see the tears streaking down hers. Almost against her will, she moved against him. The movement was matched by him and soon she could hear his steady breath ringing raggedly in her ear. Just as perplexed was she, when she heard her own join his. The experience was over quicker than expected. They both shuddered, still shying away from each other's gaze. Then they continued to hold one another, interlocked, scared to move. Tenten had a sinking feeling in her stomach.

"Can I sleep here tonight?"

"You're always welcome." Even though she could not see his face, she knew he meant it. The night concluded with both of them holding onto the other tightly like they had done many times albeit in totally different contexts. This time a mysterious aftertaste clung to the occasion.

_ttt_

The next two days neither one of them breached the subject. They just continued along as if nothing had happened until Tenten could not take it anymore. At the end of the second day while Neji was telling her about his work, she interjected:  
"Can I sleep in your room again?" He nodded without hesitation. He did not even budge when she crept across the couch into his arms and stayed put there. Tentatively, he inquired whether she had had an increase in pain attacks recently, explaining her unusual proximity that way. She nodded even though it was a lie. It was not the familiar chest pain, the price for his life, which made her cling to him.

Ensuing this talk, Tenten had begun to sleep in his bed every night.

One time, she asked him about their wedding picture. She thought it noteworthy that it had obviously fallen over, but he had never bothered to pick it up. Everything else about him was extremely detail-oriented and she found it remarkable that it should have escaped his notice.

"I did that," he informed her bluntly.

"But why?"

When he answered his voice was hard, matter-of-fact, and did not invite any follow-up questions: "I wasn't lying when I said I had experienced threatening sensations. About you."

They were both lying in his bed, dressed in their pajamas, with the blanket covering them. There was no threat in the air, yet Tenten's silken body hair stood up as if electrocuted.

Moments later, he reached across her bosom to rectify the situation. He set the frame back up and retreated to his side again, leaving her to stare at the photograph unbothered. It had been Hinata's or maybe Lee's doing. Neither one of the couple looked happy. They mostly looked tired, barren, closer to death than life. Tenten's hollow cheeks bore anorexia tendencies likening her skull skeletal and Neji's pinched expression foreshadowed his nausea.

"You never told me what it was like for you."

Unsure what she was referring to, he waited for her to elaborate.

"Coming back," she added for his benefit.

"Painful."

Tenten sighed and turned under the covers to face him rather than his photographed twenty-year-younger self.

"I was hoping for something I couldn't have guessed from your screams back then." She remembered his new, alien voice howling in agony in their hospital room.

"Still painful."

"Neji, I don't know what you mean by th-"

"I could tell." His breathing did not change but she got the distinctive impression it was even more difficult for him to talk than usual. He was on his back, completely straight with his eyes closed.

"Tell what?"

After a little while, he must have decided she deserved to know. The way he related the events was in a voice devoid of all emotion, just how she would have expected it from him.

"The first thing I remember is feeling your presence. It's warm but a little fiery. Very distinguishable. When it diminished, it was quite unsettling." His adam's apple bobbed during the pause.

"I was not aware of any of my surroundings, but there was a sense of awareness concerning the process. I attempted to shut it down." He dared to look at her as he explained the process for him. "It cost me much energy and it was quite painful. But the actual agony stemmed from realizing that I was somehow causing you … to die." With the last two words their eye contact was severed.

That night she did not hold his hand, even though comfort was in short supply. His revelation of having known what was going on was uncomfortable for her. Back then, she had not intended for him to know, to experience her own life force draining away while his returned. Though she had never wavered in her commitment, she had worried about the after effects she would not live to see. His feelings on sacrifice were quite clear: He preferred them left up to him rather than others. Ironically, her decision weighed less heavy on her knowing she would be dead and out of the grasp of her guilty conscience. Hence, she did not burden herself with worrying whether he could forgive her for making him the cause of her death. But she had not died, she had avoided the issue their entire marriage, and now she knew for sure how he felt about it.

Sleep was a muddled, confused thing, which only visited her incoherently for a few hours.

Close to morning, she woke him with a gentle gesture, whispering her concerns of the night into his ear.

"You did not die. So, the point is moot," he dismissed it with all the coldness she was used to from him.

"Still, it haunts me sometimes. I always thought I'd been holding on to life too dearly to allow the process to complete."

He had often pretended her ideas were just inanities, but this got his attention. She sensed the flare of his opened gaze in the dark.

"Don't be silly."

A fiery retort to his sardonic expulsion laid on her lips, but she could not quite muster being upset at him.

"I've never stopped feeling guilty of robbing you of the life you could have had," he added more softly than his previous musings.

She could not fathom what life he was talking about.


	4. Happiness

8

With their daily comings and goings restored to mostly normal with just a few alterations, Neji and Tenten felt content. As content as they could. There were still some remnants of their recent crisis, but they were buried deeply underneath the mundaneness of routine, only seldomly being able to break through.

Hence, when Lee asked to stay with them for a while, they felt comfortable allowing it. Having Lee home was like living with a toddler. Everything valuable had to be stored safely away and grown-up conversation would be kept to a minimum. Still, it would be very much fun. From the moment they brought him home from the hospital and stashed his belongings in Tenten's room, he had lightened the mood with his antics. For example, the dining room had to be cleared by pushing the furnishings to the wall, so he could perform his tai-jutsu exercises for them. While Neji thoughtfully corrected any imbalances, Tenten clapped enthusiastically.

There was still one difficult conversation to be had, though. After Lee had gotten better and was almost ready to move out, Neji took him aside and thanked him for his bravery.

"No problem. I know you would've done the same for me, my friend."

Neji nodded gravely.

"Anything else you want to discuss?"

"No."

"Come on. I've seen you dead. You can tell me." Lee winked. Why he thought this was appropriate given he had just referenced Neji's former passing, only the chakra-barren specialist would know.

"Don't be ridiculous, Lee." Clenched teeth indicated a short fuse. The stoic friend already seemed to regret having started such a serious conversation with such a happy-go-lucky man. Before he could abandon their house guest in the living room, Lee caught his attention by saying:

"Still thinking about killing yourself?"

Neji stopped dead in his tracks and carefully retraced his steps. His features were harsh and impenetrable.

"Pardon?", he menaced, glad Tenten was not home to hear this nonsense. She was with Tsunade again going over funding applications. Apparently, she was pushing the agenda for a theatre in Konoha.

"Your interlude included suicidal thoughts, no?" Lee coyly faked innocence.

"How could you possibly claim to know something so intimate?"

Lee rolled his eyes.

"I've known you since childhood as well, Neji. I saw you at the hospital. I have literally never seen you so miserable or devoid of life. And, let me mention it again, I've literally seen you dead."

"Do not trifle with me. You have the eyes of a slug, not an eagle."

This time it was Lee's turn to be frustrated with the other man: "Here we go with the eyes again." He sighed exasperatedly."Neji, I don't need prized sight to see it. The only acceptable reasons for you to die is to save someone else and, maybe old age. That's it. So, who were you trying to save?"

"That is literally the most stupid thought on death I've ever encountered!"

"You and Tenten have been having problems lately, huh? You stare at her when she's not looking and she does the same to you. That means there's stuff you're not telling each other and that always means trouble." His eyebrows were raised in a quizzical way, daring Neji to defy what he had just claimed.

"No idea what you are referring to." Neji's tried to shut himself out from the conversation by heading into the kitchen. As if changing rooms could deter a ninja such as Lee. The latter followed over-eagerly.

"I'm not blind. And I know I'm right." He sounded very confident, but then again, it was Lee so he would sound overconfident even seconds before being crushed by a boulder. "I told the nurses to keep a constant eye on you."

A slight tremor in Neji's brow alerted the other disputant that he had struck gold. Obviously the nurses had been an annoyance to his friend. Lee had a lot of practice recognizing annoyance in Neji's features.

"Whatever it is you should talk to her."

"I have never nor will I ever require your counsel."

"My gosh, we're on a high horse today-"

"Enough." Neji's hands were wrapped tightly around a cupboard handle. So much, his knuckles turned white. With much restraint did he manage to retrieve a glass and fill it with water. Without spilling a drop. Murder-hungry was his gaze, silently resting on the annoying friend, as he took long gulps of the liquid.

"So, will you let me in?"

Still no answer.

"Tenten told me about the child-rearing thing."

Still, Neji continued to gulp.

"But that's a load of crap, right?"

Neji choked on his water ever so slightly. Like the gentleman he was, he did not spray it all over their guest but took a moment to get a grasp on his throat, then swallow.

"Obviously, you will not shut up without satisfied curiosity."

Quickly hiding his surprise at his victory, Lee remained silent. He really had expected to have to fight the other physically to extract the truth from him. Moreover, Lee would have liked to make a point of saying he was more worried than curious but didn't. It was better not to interfere if Neji was willing to share information.

Neji's thin lips moved ever so slightly as he spoke: "That... is something we are pursuing. Apparently."

"You sound confused." Lee was high-strung in his anticipation of the bomb-shell.

"A Hyuga is never confused."

"Course not. Why exactly are you pursuing this?" It was important to not let the goal out of his sight.

Neji answered honestly: "I'm not quite sure."

This stopped Lee dead in his thoughts. He forgot for a second he was questioning Neji on his motives and instead asked:

"What about Tenten?"

His gaze yielded no further information.

"Does she want it?"

"I'm not sure about that either."

"Do you know of any reasons why she would?"

"Not exactly."

"So you both are trying to produce an heir and neither of you actually know why."

"I see you can listen well enough."

"Sounds like a solid plan - Wait, no. That's insane!" Lee squinted at his comrade. Had Neji gone off the deep end? The guy was arrogant, but his logic was usually infallible. And he did not usually indulge in the ethically irresponsible. This streak of confused discomfort in his friend was an alien perception for Lee.

"It is not the smartest of moves, but I can assure you there is no need for concern."

Lee became suspicious.

"Why not?"

"Because there is no heir."

"How would you know that?"

"How would anyone?" Neji looked him straight in the face as he said this and finally set the glass of water back down instead of awkwardly holding it in one hand. It had given Lee the uncomfortable impression his friend intended to throw it at him at any moment.

Lee could also sense the other's restraint to not use an old term of endearment such as 'idiot'. "We've had an appointment with Tsunade. The result was negative," he finally elucidated.

"How do you feel about that?"

Neji's face was taking on a worrying shade of scarlet.

"I do not know", he said through clenched teeth.

"How does she feel about it?" Lee felt as if he was repeating the same questions again and again and only running up against walls. Neji was not giving him much of anything after all. Finally, Neji just quit responding leaving Lee to only voice his observations:

"Sounds like real marriage stuff. Like, for normal people."

Suddenly Neji's anger deflated as if for once his friend had actually said something worthwhile listening to.

"Is that so?"

"Yeah, dealing with fertility issues. Definitely, I mean this was just the first round of IV, but some couples go through- Wait. What's that look?"

"How dare you proclaim I display any type of look."

"No. That's definitely a look. Neji Hyuga, did you have sex with your wife?"

"I refuse to answer such an impertinent question. That's my wife you're talking about."

"Boy, this is really shaping up to be a pretty average marriage at the end of the day." Lee could not help but see the humor in all of this. Neji obviously couldn't.

The latter growled, then pranced.

When Tenten arrived home a few minutes later, she found the furniture in the kitchen upturned and the two men wrestling on the floor. Neji obviously had the upper hand, having locked Lee in a secure grip and shouting:

"Say it! Say it!"

"Hyugas don't have sex! They don't have sex!"

Torn between closing the door and vanishing outside or interfering, Tenten just stood in the hallway for a bit until they both noticed her.

When both combatants' eyes rested on her, it poured out of her: "What in the - do I want to know what happened here?"

"No", answered Neji pretending as though he had not just engaged in what could be judged as childish behavior, while simultaneously Lee said: "Yes."

Her gaze switched between the two grown men.

"I've been reading exceedingly boring paperwork for Tsunade all day long. I'm going to change and when I'm back one of you had better be making dinner." She had wanted to say 'be making sense' but she knew better. Lee with his infinite pool of nerve-wracking behavior was one of the few people to really get under Neji's skin. The persistence with which Lee refused to be scared off by the Hyuga's icy exterior could infuse a bomb of rage. She had seen it before, she would see it again. But she didn't worry.

Lee moved out shortly after that, but Neji could not help but be reminded of some things he had said. _A normal marriage_. Intrigued by the idea that some of their problems were inherent to people living together for a long time, he wondered how others would tackle such problems. He also worried with a very alarming nature, whether Lee was becoming a better observer or whether his own discipline was lacking. He was ashamed enough living with the knowledge of suicidal thoughts, but it caused an entirely new level of depth in the feeling knowing others were aware of this circumstance as well. It was all made worse by the fact that it was Lee, the idiot. Of course, there had never been any risk - he would never endanger Tenten's life just because he was dissatisfied with his own - though he could not help but wonder whether Tenten had noticed as well. Since it had been so painfully obvious to Lee, this possibility could not be excluded.

There was no need to worry about the friends having a prolonged fall-out: Moving day consisted of Lee and Tenten drinking tea at the former's old apartment while Neji got stuck with the job of transporting all the luggage, but that was the way the stoic preferred it. Following this interlude of heightened activity, their own household was a lot quieter. Over supper at the dining table, Neji looked at his wife and relished the curve of her cheekbones, the tilt of her head exposing just a patch of cheekbone under her hair. He had been devastated when the urges had first ravaged his body. Pulling her close, so close it would crush them. Hearing the echoes of her laughter, haunting him at night. Other images sped up before his inner eye as well, so vile and eccentric he could not even put them into words. It was all some form of torture for having taken half of her life. Or perhaps all husbands went through such a period.

One evening he tried to call up Shikamaru to inquire about it. It did not go well.

"Torture, huh?" Shikamaru seemed to think about the odd question. "I'm not sure marriage is supposed to be like actual torture. I mean, it's a bit of torture... - How? Well, it's annoying having all that nagging around."

Shikamaru had been of no help at all. Tenten had never once nagged him about anything.

Neji hung up the phone, leaned against the wall and allowed himself a brief moment of uncontrolled memory: The touch of her lips, willingly sucking on them, clumsily as it may have been, caused him to feel sick to his stomach. He wanted to ask her to do it again. Helpless, he shut himself up to the experience. Otherwise, it might take control again now that she was more readily at hand than ever, always next to him in bed. It was a testament to his discipline that no other slip had occurred. A necessary discipline for he could not allow such an instance ever to transpire again. The guilt would be unbearable.

Some men may have said it were only a kiss, but Neji believed firmly in respect. Violating someone's private sphere was unforgivable to him.

"What are you doing?" Tenten asked behind him. Immersed in the throngs of his anguish, he had not noticed her enter.

He shook his head. "Nothing," he croaked.

"Well, I've got good news."

They sat down together.

"You'll soon be taking me to Konoha's first theater. Apparently, a production of No is scheduled."

He raised a brow quizzically.

"Believe it," Tenten encouraged. "Tsunade approved it. It'll be set up in an old part of town, one of the old Uchiha estates. Lee wants to join."

He was not surprised the eccentric ninja thought acting was not a colossal waste of time. Tenten seemed to want to say something more.

"He's been hinting at something."

"What would that be." It sounded less like a question, almost as though Neji already possessed an inkling of what the answer would be.

"I don't know but I think it's about you. Did you two talk about something meaningful?"

"Have we ever?", he retorted promptly. Tenten seemed to agree, sighing.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. On a different matter…," she switched topics abruptly as she went to prepare dinner.

"Tsunade asked about the progress of our ... project. She wants to know whether we're still pursuing it or whether she should put us down for a mission."

"Are we required?"

"I think it's just a measure of precaution."

Neji seemed hesitant on the matter.

"I think…," he began. "Your input is vital on the matter."

"I said I'd like to try, didn't I?"

"We did."

The room fell silent with the advent of their memory of that night.

"Was that the extent of our trying?" She seemed frightful to ask. He did not comprehend her hesitation. The longer the silence trudged on, the more apprehensive she grew.

"Let's just forget about it then. We'll go on missions till the day we die." Abruptly she spilled a can of soup over the counter. He rushed to help her, their fingers dancing around each other in perfect synchrony as they cleaned as a team. The thought bothered Neji. After disposing of much of the mess, he said:

"It's every ninja's duty to answer to their village's need, but that does not mean they cannot have a life outside of it. I propose we keep trying." After more hesitation and avoiding her gaze, he said. "More frequently this time."

Tenten wiped her hand over her forehead as if in distress but agreed. That night they would attempt to sleep with one another for the second time, chasing dreams of normalcy.

Neither party was entirely sure why they were doing this, but it was difficult to deny that they were drawn to the experience. This time they left the lights on as they undressed. Neji helped her with her dress' zipper in the back. The ashen skin it exposed reminded him of past hurt. Elegantly did his fingers trace her spine before disposing of the dress in their washing hamper.

Tenten could not help but look at him in a different light. Every scar she could make out was well known to her. She had seen them for years. In fact, for the birth of most of them she had been right by his side.

They approached their bed, each from their side and got in. This time, Tenten did not care about the covers, she stayed above them basking her body in his gaze.

He did not kiss her but helped remove the bands that kept her hair from cascading over the pillows. Once this task was accomplished, he seemed to forget how to continue. The longer he waited to make a move, the more helpless Tenten felt. She squirmed underneath him. This time one of her legs had ended up between his, so when she raised it ever so slightly she could tell once more that a lack of arousal was not the issue.  
"What's the matter with you?" She was almost a little angry. Here they were trying to get a task done and he was ready to go but hesitated.

If he had been any other than Neji, she would have said there was something akin to hurt splashed all over his face. She had to physically restrain him from pushing himself off of her at once.

"This was your idea. Please don't make me feel like crap," she demanded. It was not the most tactful thing to do but after being by each other's side for so long a little bit of crudeness then and again was acceptable. She heard him mutter something under his breath again. He had not done this since their last delve into this sort of thing.

"What?" Tenten could simply make no sense of his ramblings. When she said she had wanted him to express himself verbally more often, she had not meant for him to do it at any cost. He was more than welcome to wait until a full, sensible thought had formed before voicing it. She was about to tell him.

"Something feels wrong." His cool, calculated exterior cracked once more. From within, some tortured piece of him shone through. He tried to break free and Tenten's clasp on him turned to iron.

Tenten could no longer deny it.

"I know." She swallowed hard. "Something weird is going on," she told him. He nodded.

"Are you different or am I?" she wanted to know.

"It's me," he mouthed with a sureness that could not be denied. The air around them condensed. Tenten felt it as she said her next words:

"The last time you mentioned tendencies. I think you should tell me in more detail about those tendencies. What's it feel like?" Tenten looked up at him, sweat dripping into her eyebrows. "I promise I'll try to listen better this time."

He rolled off her and collected her entire form into his lap before he started spinning a tale. A tale of want.

Before Lee had pushed him out of the direct line of explosion on the mission, he had been certain to die. His feet had not moved, been rooted to the ground, all energy sucked out of him. His vision had been filled with her. Not just his vision, all of his senses. He heard her voice ringing in his ear, felt her skin and hair under his fingertips, tasted her sweat from mouth to mouth resuscitation, saw her engaged in the most mundane activities flash before his eyes. After that he could not stop thinking about her. An undefined urge accompanied this. He tried to sleep it off, tried to give him some space from her. Spending prolonged periods with her without being able to retreat into his room brought an air of painfulness with them. He dreaded the long brunches, where he'd only be able to stare at her all morning. And then he had kissed her.

He had hardly been aware he had done it until she forcefully pushed him off. The thought of himself as such a vile person still made him sick. He could not imagine being like that towards his life partner, the person who probably gave up half her lifespan to afford him some more years. The person who had been willing to give him _all_ her years.

"When you offered Hiashi's ridiculous ramblings as an explanation, I…" The following word was difficult for Neji to mouth. "... cowardly jumped on that. It's true, I have never been scared of you. The same cannot be said of me."

"You don't like this recent behavior you've been displaying?"

He nodded. "If there was no chance it might mean the end of your life, I'd end mine. I'm … exhausted."

Listening to his struggle as the anguish in her chest grew once more made that painfully obvious.

"You are right. You have been … not yourself."

She pushed up against him closer, until his hair fell over her face.

"Yet, I cannot imagine what it must be to go through such an experience. Promise me something?"

He nodded.

"Next time, you feel such strong urges, you tell me. You can't get through this alone."

There was a pause, then he nodded.

"This is paramount, Neji," she clarified.

"In that case, I have them right now," duty-bound he confessed.

Tenten twisted in his arms. His carefully put together countenance slowly opened up for her. It was a privilege to see Neji drop the mask. She watched in fascination until she read suffering on his face that she recognized from their early days. From when they had both somehow been wrenched back from the dead. They had both been so afraid of separation, they grabbed at every straw to make them bound to one another. They had opted for a legal bond to ensure that everyone would respect their necessary proximity, Neji's family included.

Tenten's mind recollected the burning need to be close. If his desire to kiss her was just as strong, she was amazed at his resolve.

"Please, kiss me," she pleaded stretching her hands out for his jaw. Not a minute more did she want this to go on. This time their lips collided, a hindrance broke. Whatever had been holding them back, was not there anymore. Tenten was crushed to his chest as his mouth desperately grasped for her lips. Countering by searching proximity with her tongue, Tenten's and Neji's limbs intertwined until they were spreadeagled on the bed like lovers. As if from afar, they could hear the voices of two lovers panting, unaware it was them. Under Tenten's forceful hands, Neji lost his control once more.

What had caused them so much distress before, occurred now without much fuss at all. Tenten stated very explicitly what she wanted him to do and he found it less than difficult to oblige. The feeling of being together made neither of them feel retched. On the contrary, it brought tears of enjoyment and release to their eyes. Especially, the look on Neji's face gave Tenten the same feeling of privilege as before. She was the only person in the whole world who saw him like this. An eagerness resonated within Tenten as she could not help but realize how much her life partner had been restraining himself. Their bed shook, removed inches from the wall. Afterwards, there were no tears or words left. They just lay on their sides, chest to chest as if connected by an invisible cord.

_ttt_

It was undeniable that this had become a new part of their routine. Tenten found herself waiting for him to tell her the words, tell her he was being plagued by images of her. Then she would go to him, regardless of where he was - their dining room, the sofa, standing at the kitchen counter, just returning from working on his book at the library. Until one day, she looked up at his face after the act, relished its peaceful calm and said: "I doubt we'll ever have children."

"I don't care about children."

"I'm not sure I care about them either."

He nodded groggily as if he had already known.

"Then why engage in this activity?" There was something that irked her. "Why sit next to me at Tsunade and letting me worry about the whole process?"

His body went rigid, afraid she was about to retract what made him feel sane and stable.

Tenten stayed close. From the depth of his eyes she saw the light of an apology unspoken. Quietly and understandingly, she asked: "Have you ever felt like this before?"  
"No," Neji answered cautiously waiting for her to finish her train of thought.

"I think I have." She looked thoughtful, her gaze inward as if she was trying to reexamine something deep inside of her.

He turned towards her, surprised. "Felt like what?" He could not place this feeling himself, could not define it in its perceived absurdness, so he was curious what she would have to say.

"I'm not sure that I've ever loved you just like a brother. I must have… forgotten or … denied it..., or something, for a while." The tremors in her voice seemed distant as though she was dragging the words from far away to their ears. "You know, I don't regret a single day with you. I don't regret bringing you back, not a single minute. I relish all pain, because it reminds me you're here and I hope that somehow… you're happy."

"Are you happy?" The question seemed paramount to him just then.

She nodded.

Following his own logic, he had concluded something from some syllogism whose steps were hidden: "Then I believe I am." As if Tenten could have been mistaken about what he had meant, he added in his persistent quest for accuracy: "... happy."


	5. Epilogue

5

Happiness was a strange form of existence. Especially for Neji, who had never fully known the meaning of the word. Tending towards seriousness, he was more prone to have described himself as 'content' rather than 'happy' in the past. But now the word seemed inappropriate. There was more to life than contentedness.

He'd found himself smiling. Not very often but every once in a while; he felt embraced by his life in a way that caused him to look up at the windy tree tops of Konoha and lift the corners of his lips subtly.

Right now was one of those moments. Neji had been dragged to a picknick instigated by Lee and endorsed by Tenten and despite his involuntary presence could not help but feel happy. The wind rushed through the trees above him as Tenten lectured Lee on how to make the best potato salad while he laid out the checkered blanket.

Entering a physical relationship with his wife had changed more than just their evening routine. They had set a course for their life: They would always go on missions, where their presence was required due to their unique skill set, but they did not find it boring to stay at home. Tenten was helping him finish his book, working side by side with him in the living room. They proofread together, him seated on the couch, she spread out on the rug, reference books scattered all around her. It was a lovely sight Neji was getting increasingly used to. It appeared before his inner eye while his friends unpacked the goods from their wicker basket.

Meanwhile, she also continued to do more work for Tsunade. Having realized there was more to life than war, Tenten oversaw some minor arts and culture programs in Konoha. Contrary to Neji's expectations, the theater had been a success. He never would have guessed that Konoha's population would enjoy people in ridiculous get-ups like masks and make-up running around on stage. But apparently, it was supposed to be cathartic for the war-hardened ninjas. Neji's mind, however, did not work that way. So, the effect was lost on him, but he still accompanied Tenten to the openings, stoic silent counterpart to her engaging, smiling character.

Everyone could see there was a difference in them, even if they were not privy to Tenten and Neji's private complications. Their casual friends and family, for example, may have realized there was some kind of crisis afoot without being aware of its exact nature but even they could tell now that it had reached its denuement. Only a few selected souls were clued in as to what had actually transpired. Desire, denial, miscommunication, and, finally, openness. Everyone reacted differently to the absurdity of the news.

Tsunade had laughed and called it _'love'_. Neji and Tenten had trouble believing in something quite so mundane. They had exchanged doubtful looks while Tsunade kept chuckling to herself and dwelling on past memories. Apparently, Tsunade had been quite a catch when she was young and considered herself somewhat of an expert on the emotion. But it did not matter how many stories about her scandalous past she told her two friends and subordinates, Neji and Tenten still did not think she had them figured out correctly.

When they had called Suna-Gakure, Temari was likely to agree with them on that issue at least. She, too, was less convinced of love having anything to do with what her two friends went through. This was mainly due to the fact that she could not imagine Neji loving anything, though. She was, however, convinced that two healthy people could not go without sex forever. Hence, she did not think it wondrous at all how events had transpired. She was just amazed at how long it had taken the Konoha couple.

"Really…," she had exclaimed on the phone. "You two were wrapped up with war and fighting for so long, I guess your sexual development was just …stunted."

Tenten had rolled her eyes unbeknownst to her friend. Shikamaru could be heard saying: "They should've taken more naps. They probably just had burnout.", which had been eye-rolling inducing yet again. Shikamaru was so laid back, his natural resistance to stress probably protected him from understanding what a burnout really was. Apparently, he thought any crisis could be solved by some good midafternoon shut-eye.

Pure, physical attraction. Biological urges, sexual needs. This was not a position Tenten and Neji could align themselves with either. The notion that cohabitation lead to sex was one they did not support – It seemed just a bit sexist. If the explanation of 'love' was too mundane for them, then the explanation of 'biological needs' was too simple for them.

When it came to theories on what had occurred between Tenten and Neji, Hinata was not much help either:

The night had started off with Tenten complaining about the obi on her kimono. It was far too large and unhandy for her to tie herself, so Neji had to help her. He was not the smoothest when it came to dressing a lady; or undressing her but that is another matter. His tugs and pulls swayed Tenten on her feet. Fortunately, she had not put on her fancy shoes yet. They were going to the opening performance at the theater with Neji's family, which meant a certain amount of get-up was required. Once she had been properly tied up, Tenten smiled defeatedly over her shoulder. The corners of his mouth had twitched in response. The evening continued with them walking towards the newly-built theater.

The plan had been to meet Hinata early, before entering the surprisingly small, wooden building. Its front was discreet, the façade had not been decorated. In Konoha expenses were spent on defenses, not decoration. This meant that Hinata, waiting for them in front, had stood out even more. Her beauty was set off by the bleak surroundings, her kimono impeccably white with a subtle design of cherry blossoms. Her hair had looked like a work of art in her exquisite up-do. It put Tenten to shame about her own simple bun at the nape of her neck. But her stunning, elegant appearance never created any distance between them, they were used to seeing the Hyuga heiress like this by now. What had been surprising was that Naruto was by her side.

Neji, who was a little slow pertaining to interpersonal things, had just frowned, but Tenten raised her eyebrows encouragingly and smiled as she approached the couple.

"So, this is happening?" Tenten had asked and Hinata nodded. It seemed Hiashi would find life to have a surprise for him later that evening when he arrived. Fortunately, he would not be able to have one of his outbursts because he would never dare to make a public scene.

Anticipation brimming in their steps, they had gone inside. Tenten and her guests had been let in without questioning even though the door was not open to the general public yet.

While Neji had talked to Naruto about something the latter found boring, probably pulley mechanism used backstage – Tenten could not quite remember anymore – Hinata had leaned over to Tenten and said: "I remembered your note. It asked for me to promise to live happily. It was a good request." The heiress's eyes had been intense. "I've decided to honor it."

This had prompted Tenten to share some information on what had transpired between the married couple. Hinata had listened patiently to everything, including everyone's differing opinions on what the cause for their strange experiences were. There had been enough noise emitted from the backstage preparation that there was no fear of being overheard. As the theatre begun to fill, the men rejoined them and one of the last things Hinata had said before the show began were: "You are wrong about some things. Love is not mundane and attraction is not simple. Just because they happen to other people does not mean it cannot be unique for every single one of them or highly complex and layered." She had smiled mysteriously, her elegant fingers playing with Naruto's suntanned ones. And the curtains had opened, drenching them all in stage light.

Neither Neji nor Tenten had understood, of course. The statement seemed to contradict itself. But Hinata did not elucidate it any further. Sometimes Tenten still thought about it. It seemed like a meaningful statement but perhaps that feeling was just a creation of the moment, the special event of the theater show and so on. All in all, it had been a thoroughly enjoyable night and one of the first events Tenten and Neji had attended together in public since their misfortunes. And, of course, seeing Hiashi defeated had been a perk. The poor man had bit his tongue during the entire intermission, pretending it was normal to see his daughter with an orphaned ninja.

As Tenten and Neji related the story to Lee now, he could not stop laughing and almost spewed potato salad all over them. Wiping some mayonaise off his lips, he said:

"You know, it kind of serves him right. All his children might marry people beneath their status! I only hope Hanabi finds someone inappropriate, too. It would really teach him a lesson. The power of youthful love cannot be stopped!"

His enthusiastic roar resounded through the otherwise peaceful forest. His laughter was infectious, at least for Tenten. While Neji kept his thoughts on youthful love to himself with a scowl, the interlude made Tenten think back on her admittance into the Hyuga family. She had not been scared or apprehensive of Hiashi then. Although, Tenten must admit, that if she had not recently died, she might have felt differently. But the situation having been that way, Hiashi was a lot less scary.

_A lot_ less scary.

Lee's laughter faded to the backgroound as Tenten remembered. She had been in so much pain she could not have cared less whether Hiashi was worried about his bloodline or family's prestige. All that had mattered was Neji, his presence, their link.

This link between them was exactly why Neji and Tenten did not believe in any of their friends' banal explanations for what had happened to them the last few months. They were friends, they were partners. Yes, Tenten had mentioned she had never loved him like a brother, but that did not necessitate she was in love with him. It just meant that their bond was deeper, she thought. Slowly, she returned back to reality and the meadow they were perched on. Lee was telling a funny story of one of Hiashi's outbursts from ten years ago.

Perhaps what they had gone through was a kind of midlife crisis. To be honest, Tenten was still a bit baffled. Obviously, Neji was no help in thinking about emotions and how they originated. So, Tenten was left all alone to ponder. _Love_… could not be it. She shook her head at the mere thought of it. It had to be something more. Hinata could not possible be right. Love was commonplace and that was not what had happened to her and Neji, right? When would it have happened? Twenty years ago? Ten? Last year? A couple of months ago? She discarded this train of thought because it was fruitless. No, it was far more likely that their special bond was forcing them to express intimacy in a different way. That's what drew them toward one another, why they slept close to one another now, why his touch remained so important to her. It did not quite fit how they had longed for each other's touch before, when in pain, but Tenten banned the thought from her head. To her, there was no other rational explanation for their strange sensations resembling love.

The resurrection operation had forever changed them, somehow making it painful for them to be far apart. They had never uncovered the reasons, the underlying causal mechanisms. How did it all work? Why exactly had the ritual not worked and Tenten's life force been displaced onto Neji's body? No one really had any answers and maybe they never would. In fact, Tsunade still ran tests on them every now and then. The chakra force was something still unexplored and who could say whether physical intimacy was not just another expression thereof. Regardless of what the reasons were, Neji and Tenten had agreed that it might be profitable to include intercourse into their daily routine. She cast a glance over at him now, bathing in a strip of sunlight that had made it through the thick leaf roof above them.

Neji still felt a heavy burden for his transgressions, but a slip into apathy seemed unlikely for the warrior. Now that he was not suffering under the intense stress of suppressing what to his chagrin could not be defined any different than his feelings, he was doing better. There were no more vomit panic attacks and the guilt over having put his best friend and wife through all this was bearable. He still refused to talk much about it, but that was not necessarily a bad sign. It was difficult to tell whether he believed in Tenten's chakra theory; he certainly had not refuted it yet. And he most certainly did not buy into other people's love babbling. Over all, he seemed calmer. Sometimes Tenten even imagined catching the glimmer of a smile on his lips.

Once Hinata's story had been recounted fully, Neji stood up to walk through the woods a little under the guise of searching for mushrooms or herbs to take home. It was really just an excuse to get some privacy. He still felt a bit uncomfortable when people made fun of his family. Years of interpellation still had its effects on him. While he got his annoyance with Lee out of his system, Tenten took Lee's hand. He immediately grew a bit more serious, ready to listen to anything she had to say to him.

"Yes?" He prompted. So, she told him. He already knew about the kiss, the depression, their miscommunication about producing an heir, and finally, the sex. And how they continued to have it. But now she filled him in on what the others had said.

Lee had seemed most sympathetic to their tale from the beginning. He seemed to understand what Tenten meant when she talked about how their traumatic experience had affected them. He even listened to Tenten's musings on why it had happened the way it had all that time ago: whether it was because she was holding on to life too dearly or something else. At those words, he had squeezed her hand hard in his.

Perhaps he understood them better because he knew them the longest or he had watched unoccupied as they had brought each other back from the dead.

Though he had kept his thoughts on their relationship to himself so far, he decided that now might be the time to chime in with his own thoughts on what had had happened:

"I don't know," he began, twirling a long piece of grass between his finger and thumb. "I'm aware you guys place a lot of emphasis on this resurrection, and I agree..." His inner eye obviously saw more than he shared with them.

"Thinking back on it, I can honestly tell you I've never seen anything like it," he confessed. "I swear, it seemed as if Neji refused to come back to life - at least, …without you." He did not retrieve his hand from hers but used his other arm to flick away the stem of grass and reach for his glass of ice tea to take a sip. "But you two have _always_ been unique to one another. That's why I didn't contest your decision to be the one." _...to sacrifice yourself_, he finished soundlessly, but they both knew what he had meant.

"At first, I wanted that honor for myself," he continued to explain bashfully. "But I wouldn't dare. There's definitely a bond between you two."

Tenten gasped. "Oh, Lee…" She was touched. He could tell. He also knew she thought he was agreeing with her and her theories. But the truth was Lee had been vague on purpose. In his opinion, the bond his two friends shared went way beyond the effects of that resurrection. But he had an inkling they had experienced too much chaotic emotion recently. The whole discussion was a moot point for Lee anyway: Whether it was love or something else. To Lee, there was no difference.

Tenten excused herself with a smile and Lee watched on as she headed for Neji's contemplative figure to gently persuade her stubborn husband to quit nursing his family pride. Teasingly, she coaxed him back to the blanket. They looked energized, a lot less tired than they had the last few months.

When they came back, he repeated some of what Lee had said to Tenten for Neji's benefit:

"We were just talking about the big event. I was saying I would have taken Tenten's place, had I not sensed you two were connected somehow."

"Huh," the other warrior retorted skeptically.

"I think that's why it worked out the way it did," Lee volunteered, neither one being able to let the other die. Lee and Tenten chuckled at Neji's indifferent shrug. It was obvious the stoic still had his very own beliefs, probably solely chakra-based. Neji was an expert in chakra and Lee knew he had spent a lot of time reading up on chakra-theories, how it worked, what people knew about it, and he often had lengthy discussions with Tsunade on the matter whenever she ran another one of her tests.

"I never knew you thought that," was all Neji said though.

Tenten shrugged with a smile. Neji had returned back to being silent most of the time now that Tenten was less afraid of a recurring psychotic breakdown, so he withheld any further comment on the matter.

"Hm… Maybe I thought it was obvious and therefore didn't need saying." Lee shrugged. Then he winked. "There is undeniably something a little bit magical about you two."

They both sighed exasperatedly at their friend's idolization. Lee liked to use the word magic for anything he did not understand.

"Just because we haven't researched everything about chakra flows yet..." Tenten reminded him. "...doesn't mean it's magic."

"Doesn't mean it isn't, either."

"That logic is not argumentatively strong," Neji pointed out, but their carefree friend could not have cared less. Was it love or magic, love or magic, love or magic?

He knew what he had seen all those years ago. He had seen magic happen and afterwards two people so exhausted from it that they had lived half their lives unaware that they'd been in love.


End file.
